Saturday, 29 December 2012

After Christmas too much time thoughts

I think my body is craving healthy food.  I have felt sick for the last day with dry heaves and a little puke here and there.  Puke is not great for the diabetes as it messes royally with your sugars so I need to learn a little about that via the good people at google.  Anyway, my “holiday” has been great as far as food has gone.  I have fallen so far off the meat wagon that my body might shut down the next time it sees kale.  Too little too late?  Anyway, I feel gross.  I love my mothers cooking.  Now that I’ve had to fen for myself for so long I would not mind if she wanted to come here and cook for me all the time.  If I didn’t gain weight over it.  That woman missed her calling.  She makes gravy that will make your heart sing.  I love when she stirs the pot (literally) and turns to me with a sly grin and says “It’s just like pudding.”  That’s when you know it’s going to be good. 

I had a hard time getting out of bed today.  Fred came in at five but after that the alarm went off at 6:30 for half an hour before I could get out of bed to get Norman fed and out.  Down the street we went until he did his usual 3 tootsie roll poop.  When we turned back for home I noticed our foot prints.  Mine and his  alone in the fresh snow.  Despite holding back the urge to vomit, it was one of the sweetest moments I’ve had with him.  Just him and I walking in the snow, big feet and tiny feet.  There is something to be said for that.  Having someone to depend on me.  I think people with kids take that for granted sometimes.  I don’t have kids so for the next however long Fred and Norman Earl are it for me as far as keeping me grounded.

I’ve struggled a lot this holiday season with not working.  It makes me feel a little lost in what I want for the rest of my life.  I’ve missed writing both the blog and jokes.  I need to do both if only for myself but to keep my foot in the door with being creative.  We all have our things I guess.  I don’t think I could spend much time with someone who didn’t have a passion for something creative.  I can’t see someone really wanting to spend time with someone so introverted who needed the space to create and look inward so much.  It’s frustrating for a lot of people who maybe don’t share the same interest.  People seem interested in the end product like the fun blog or a well written joke but the struggle to get there isn’t that fun.  It’s not easy putting pen to paper...or sitting here half nude trying to organize a million thoughts into one or two things to write about. 

I sometimes wonder if I can balance my mind and my life into actually producing something worth reading for the general public.  My English sucks but since I was about 13 I’ve had outlines of characters and stories that I have wanted to write.  I outline whole plots and then move on to the next story idea.  I bet if I could focus I could be on my 10th book by now.  Every story contains something I find fascinating and want to learn more about.  One is set with a family running a generational funeral home, a reporter who leaves her husband to pursue her dream job and of course being such a Dallas fan a huge sweeping series of a very large rich dysfunctional family.  I picture that one being a made for tv series with all the drama of Dallas with a splash of Days of Our lives. 

Anyway, I’m gross today and thank god for pets who sleep all day.  Chances are I will finish the book my mom loaned me for Christmas and start another one.  As I read on the toilet I will be thinking about maybe someday someone with the mad scoots sitting on the toilet reading a book I wrote to pass the time.  I hope they get lost in it and get hemorrhoids or anal ripping from it being that good. 

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