Thursday, 25 April 2013


So good things are slightly coming to the one who waits without bitching and moaning all the time.  I’ve managed to get a new bed, job is going amazing and was extended and I’ve been rather happy in my personal life.  Sadly I watched another documentary on health and am now terrified.

Needless to say we are for sure going back to Meat and Pants free in every way again.  This time I watched Fat, Sick and nearly Dead.  Amazing and it actually really hit me.  When you are unhealthy you tend to not think about it and think “it won’t happen to me” or next week I will start.  I have been playing that sweet game for a while.  My friend works in a high end rehab and has managed to gain 15 lbs in a month from all the amazing food  that is available constantly to her.  Plus, the chef seems to have a little crush on her so she’s been getting extra thick chocolate mouse every night.  Have at her! 

So the new bed came Saturday and after two nights of a bit of getting use to extreme firmness of things I seem to have gotten use to it.  The bed is so high that I have to get a leg up to get in it.  I felt very perched up in it and not very cozy.  I’m almost over that now.  Almost…but I find it funny I got the lower box spring and was going to change my mind.  Another four inches would surely mean a hip replacement in a month or me falling out of bed full on peeing myself.  I’m sure of it.  Plus should Norman Earl opt to try and jump down he would be jumping down from about 4.5 feet.  That’s an estimate but still the bed is so high that I feel like poor Norman could be hurt if he jumps.  Also the bed has a cooling layer so we both have yet to wake up all sweaty.  My pre-menopause sweating has stopped and Norman Earls little sweaty dog arm pits are a thing of the past!  Sadly things have changed with us.  He no longer sleeps under the covers.  Too many farts and hot boxing him with the smells have kept him on top of the covers and in his Mexican Stand off blanket. 

I just talked way too much about the dog.  Lame!  I’ve  totally jumped from an amazing life changing movie, to the new bed and now my dogs sweaty little arm pits.  What has this blog come to?  A mish mash of my random thoughts as I think them with no rhyme or reason?  Apparently that is how my mind works now.  My work is very much like that these days.  I do accounting, then reports and manage to help several Justice Workers at the same time.  My mind is never on one thing for very long and even around the house if I’m not playing a video game I’m up and down doing whatever while watching TV or playing on the computer.  What happened to just sitting and doing one thing?  Or keeping focused long enough to write a blog on one topic?

I was talking to someone about trivia earlier today.  My ability to remember completely useless facts and such makes me a great trivia person.  Sadly if I was able to harness this trait at a younger age I could have focused on school and maybe stayed focused long enough to get a degree in something amazing and in demand.  There should seriously be someone in schools who tests for whatever I have and gears some education toward helping me focus.  I also think this person would be amazing for people with ADD so they could find jobs or schooling that keeps them busy.  Some of the most successful people in the world have ADD.  Why are they successful?  Ability to multi task.  Seriously we need to figure out how to let people learn what they are passionate to learn without barriers of useless courses they don’t find interesting or stimulating.  That’s when people shut off.  The longer you are shut off the harder it is to turn you back on to something.  Be it work or a relationship.  Think about people who are in a relationship for a long time and it’s lost it’s luster or something has changed to turn you off.  If you leave it for a long time it’s much harder to turn it back on then if you work on it a day or two after a fight or change.  Same thing with a job really.  We get stuck because the pay is good, work friends, know the job and safety when really we could be moving forward or doing something that pays more in contentment then dollars. 

So I guess it’s important to follow your nose to what makes you feel alive.   The “It won’t happen to me” or “I’ll start tomorrow” attitude doesn’t always lead to the passionate life.  I guess the best I can do it keep working toward starting today what will make us better tomorrow.

Friday, 19 April 2013

New Bed and Chicks

One more sleep until I get my new bed.  I can’t even get over myself.  I could nominate basement girl for person of the year right now.  Due to lack of hours at her work she was way far to ok with spending her day expertly painting my bedroom in full.  I don’t think she would ever get how much stress that takes off this chunky monkey.  When I get home from work I really am not in the mood for much so the thought of coming home to a full on painting job is nothing I’m interested in at all.  It had to be done…no point in getting a new bed in a bad juju room.  Either way tonight will be spent doing laundry and getting everything ready for Saturday. 

I’ve had a lot of struggles in the last while and despite being happy with some parts of my life I’ve really needed something to spruce myself and the house up.  A new bedroom and bed is just what I need to give me something to look forward to and enjoy.  Chances are I will be off in the summer unless something comes up so I have that to prepare for mentally and financially for that joy.  I’m ok with it really.  I love working but I do enjoy time at home with the boys a little too much.  Who knows, I could be blogging daily, even hourly with all that time to my own thoughts.

As per usual I’m trying to set up a Buddy of mine with a girl from work’s brother.  Usually my set up’s of my friends are terrible and don’t even get to the meeting phase but this one seems like it’s totally perfect.  So this could mean one of two things…either they will be perfect together and fall in love thus staying together for a while and breaking up in a messy way blaming me eventually or they can meet and really feel nothing too exciting.  Either way I’m determined to get a finders fee for this one.  I think that’s fair.  Honestly.

Clearly I’m a little jaded when it comes to love and romance.  I think I almost always have been.  People focus too much on what they think or want someone to be and not getting to know and enjoy who they really are.  Or who they really are not.  When people just don’t fit then it’s really best to move on.  Why prolong things?  I was given a hard time about a break up not long ago so it got me thinking about relationships.  I don’t plan on talking trash or details but relationships but I realize I need a few things to keep me from even wanting a relationship with anyone. 

1.       Respect.  Said person has to respect  themselves as much as they respect others.  I don’t do what I’m not comfortable with nor would I ever expect anyone else to feel they had to because we were dating.
2.       Freedom.  Expectations when women date seems to be that they have to spend every second talking about feelings and being together all the time.  That is nothing I am interested in.  I enjoy spending time with someone but I need time to do my own thing without having my balls busted for that not including the person I’m dating.  I’m an odd bird that way but I don’t feel like a person needs to be involved in every aspect of my life.  I love my life and am protective of it.  By the same token I don’t want to be immersed in every aspect of someone else’s life either.  It’s your life…live it.  I can share in it on my own level.
3.        Passion.  Aside from passion with the person I need to see passion for something they do.  When someone shows passion for their job, something they create, reading, friends and life it is something you can’t help to want to be part of.  Someone who’s only passion are others really is setting themselves up for a life of disappointment.  Their achievements, interests and goals become yours and soon you have no idea who you are or were.  Find your own path.  If it’s not with mine then that’s ok too.  Life is for living not following.
4.       Chill.  As an introvert I can’t be having someone all demanding and rammy about things.  I do and talk about things in my own way and time.  Sometimes that frustrates people but it’s part of who I am.  Sometimes I say no when something is going to take too much of my emotional energy.  If I have a lot going on or a bad day at work the last thing I want to do with my energy is run around or entertain.  I never understood why someone would want or demand to be around someone who is not mentally there or open to spending time together.  Be cool and have some respect. 

For now that’s about all I can think of really.  Maybe that’s why I seem to end up meeting people who either are on the way out of the city to follow a dream or living a dream outside the city?  Hard to tell.  Maybe it works for me in some way or better yet gives me the freedom to do all the things I want while getting a sampling of a relationship.  Either way…I plan to keep trying to set people up.  Even myself.

Friday, 12 April 2013

The Wise Drag Queen

So last week at work I had a wonderfully conversation with a Drag Queen about giving back.  I know that sounds odd but let me explain a little bit.  First off I should explain that most of the time I’m scared of Drag Queens.  Maybe I’m not in touch with my inner Diva the way I should be or the fact that a huge tall man looks more amazing as a woman then I do is weirdly threatening to me.  At any rate I have always had a hard time making eye contact with a Drag Queen in full Diva.  This Diva was in scrubs coming from a day job of helping others as a PSW dropping of some cash he raised doing a drag show and as a donation. 

We talked for a bit and he told me about giving a woman crap for tossing out coats in the garbage.  She had told him that she didn’t have time to donate them, she was too busy.  He had told her “No, you mean you are too good.  Too London to be seen at a place where someone might benefit from your scraps.”  Now when you are in touch with the inner Diva inside then you have no problem telling some North London lady off.  I realized I’ve done the same thing.  I’ve been rammy and just wanted something done and cleaned out.  I’ve tossed shirts I’ve never worn with tags on them in a garbage bag not caring.  The more I think about it the more angry I get at myself.  I remember a youth who was big looking for job interview clothes at Clothing Works and they had nothing in her size.  She left feeling ashamed and I’m sure slightly more hopeless then she went in.  And this Healthy Helga is just tossing plus size shirts away like I was done with them and too good to take the extra 5 minutes to put a bag together for Goodwill or Clothing Works.  What a c-word.  I was no better really then snobby North London woman.

I do have to say that I’m 100 times better then I was.  I’ve seen people who have maybe 2 sets of clothes, hardly any food and no money to even wash their clothes.  I’ve sat with them and had a chat about the weather and helped them with finding information.  I’ve secretly judged but when you can’t really do anything big to help you build up a wall.  I don’t want to think too much about what they are dealing with.  I’ve been bitching about my bed being so uncomfortable.  I have one and I didn’t fish it out of the garbage. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not trying to change the world or giving everything I have to a church or something.  I’m just saying if we all took a minute or two and put our crap in a box for someone to use then maybe we would make a difference.  So after my talk with the Drag Queen I made the choice to start putting aside house stuff for a youth I’ve been in touch with who is moving out with nothing.  Why not?  I would rather have my crap go a kid who has nothing then to Value Village where they over price it.  I’m not a fan of that.  I would donate to Goodwill since they are employing people and would not try and sell my gross used towel for 4 bucks.  Just sayin. 

A while back I put a message on facebook that a friend needed baby boy clothes for twins.  My Buddy Kim and her friends (all seem to have a lot of kids) busted a nut getting me garbage bags full of clothes.  Amazing.  That’s what I would like to see more of!  People asking for others and friends searching around and getting rid of what they don’t need to help someone who doesn’t have the cash for the basic things. 

So lessons to be learned would be not to fear a wise Drag Queen and give back.  It doesn’t have to be money or tons of time.  Just making someone who feels like no one cares know that you took time to make sure they had some of what they need to do what we take for granted.  Who wants to dry their balls with the same towel for 2 weeks until you have laundry money?  So I’m going to try and give more.   Life is hard enough so if I can make it a tad easier for someone with nothing right now I guess it’s good karma for me.  Who knows where I will be when this contract ends?  I could be needing some help.  We all could at some point.

Thursday, 4 April 2013

Fear and Disconnect

I don’t know what’s up with me these days.  I’ve not blogged in far too long.  Long enough that off hand I can’t remember what I last blogged about.  So I think that’s a bad sign and who knows how long it will be until I loose this blog for lack of giving a fuck.  Not the case but still.  You get my point.

After the super long weekend I’ve really felt like doing nothing at all.  I’m oddly tired and am uber protective of my time.  I’ve been invited out several times but have said no.  After working till 5 and rushing home to let the dog out I really don’t feel like doing anything with anyone.  Even people I like.  I don’t know if it’s just still getting use to working or a little realisation of time.  After another birthday I seem to have realised that time is short and if I want to do nothing after work with my dog  I’m going to do it.  I do have plans this weekend so will see how that goes.  I’m more then sure this is one of my weird phases…shocking that I have those but it’s true.

I’m excited to be going out with my sarcastically smart friends for a battle of the minds.  It’s needed.  Not that all my friends are smart but every friendship is built on something different.  Meat, sharing books, sharing secrets, sharing Capri’s.  Whatever.  Needless to say a battle of the minds is very needed for me right now.  I’ve shut mine off for a while and it’s more then time it comes back on.

Maybe I’m getting stupider?  I’ve been playing video games, not writing and watching too many reality shows.  At work I listen to Fresh FM which plays party songs and Pink every 20 minutes.  I like Pink but they play the same stuff all day everyday…3 times a day.  I can’t really do books on tape here.  Maybe I should switch to CBC?  I miss being as smart as I used to be.  Honestly I was very up on things going on in the world.  Now if it’s not on facebook I don’t know about it.  Who am I?  Some 15 year old girl who doesn’t believe life happens unless it’s updated on facebook?  I hate people who go anywhere and have to spend the entire time they are at an even uploading pictures.  Jesus!  Enjoy the event and update after.  I’ve basically made a vow that if I am out with anyone and they start checking their phone and texting that I will promptly go about my business elsewhere.  I think that’s fair.   

So I just realised right now I feel disconnected from life.  Or I’ve connected to other parts of my life more then usual?  Who knows.  All I know is that I’m just not in the mood for anything or anyone really and its not personal.  I’m almost glad my dating life is not very serious right now or I’m guessing it would be non existent!  Lucky for me not much is expected out of me right now…so that works for me.  I do tend to be known for keeping to myself but now it’s just part of who I am.  Sometimes I almost feel badly for my family who never gets to see me but not really.  I don’t think I would trade the peace I feel for anything. 

I do keep getting pushed by people I’ve just met to do stand up.  Maybe it’s something new or age but it’s almost scaring me more then it use to, or I’m just in a place where I feel it more?  A friend who has had some major life changes in the last year is on a mission to do things that scare her this year.  She’s done more then one thing that normally she would never do.  I’m oddly proud of this for her.  We should all do more things that scare us.  Even me.  I have done many things when I was younger that scare me…I’d list them but it almost feels too personal.  I often feel that I can’t escape doing stand up at some point.  I get huge hints and pushes to it all the time but as anyone could imagine standing on a stage being judged is terrifying.