Tuesday, 23 July 2013

Hot Dogs, Smoke and Sprinklers

Today is national Hot Dog appreciation day.  I'm guessing only in America since Canada is busy making sure beer and smokes aren't getting over taxed again.  It's how Canada is.  We don't have to have days to celebrate everything.  We just have a hot dog without all the fuss.  I might even bust out some frozen sausage for dinner just because it's that day.  Much like women hot dogs are great in theory but are terrible for you.  That's a joke.  I still like women and have not become more jaded then usual.  Insert happy winky face here.

I don't like to think about what is in a hot dog.  Learning about vegans and all that has put me right off the traditional made with about 400 chemicals.  Now if I need to shove something phallic in my mouth I go to a butcher, that way I know what's in them.  Sunripe has a hot dog with about 7 ingredients so that's something a little better.  I do sometimes get the vegan dogs.  They taste like a finger without a bone in it.

Today 3 clients have come in smelling like they just sit in their clothes and smoke all day in a closet.  I don't know how anyone can sit in an office with the door closed talking to these people.  Good lord.  My area is open and I still smell them like they are on me blowing smoke in my face.  "They" suggest you never smoke before a job interview but I'm starting to think smokers have the smell woven into their clothes.  God knows my wonderful parents smell like they just came from bingo in the 70's some days.  I used to smell like that constantly when I lived at home.  Gack!

It just rained but tonight I am suppose to run the sprinkler at the neighbours.  I'm going to run through it, or sit in it.  Either way a spray of water will go up the leg of my shorts until it reaches my vagina. 

Thursday, 18 July 2013

This heat is Bullshit

Anyone else’s wiener dog shit on the bed this week? No just me?  That’s what I thought.  Needless to say I had two loads of laundry done by 7:30 am.  When I asked Norman Earl “Who did this?”  he flipped over and showed me his penis.  I don’t know who that worked on in the past but he is really barking up the wrong tree.  Needless to say someone needs some retraining.  I’ve spoiled him.  I own it.  Either way things are going to have to change. 

I feel oddly unsure of this world right now.  People are leaving dogs and babies in cars every day, 5 people have been hit by busses lately and in Florida it seems to be ok to kill kids (thanks for starting that ball running Casey Anthony.)  I think people are so self absorbed and think nothing will happen to them, that is when accidents and stupidity happen.  Hey, I’ve done some stupid things and luckily didn’t get caught or hurt.  Still, leaving a kid in the car when you run into shoppers for 3 things?  You don’t know how long the line will be.  I don’t care if the kid is sleeping or what.  It’s not right.  Don’t get me started about Dogs.  Leave the pets at home to enjoy the cool air-conditioning.  They don’t need to go to the hot summer festivals or with you to the store.  I love the video of the vet sitting in the car for a half an hour.  People don’t think.  I love that people are getting in the faces of these jerks waiting by the car or breaking windows.  This to me is acceptable. 

The creepy man who is always in a bathing suit a few doors down has been up blaring 80’s music at 6 am every day this week.  Last night he cut the grass in his stained bathing suit and drenched in sweat he felt the need to go up his pant leg and rearrange his man tackle.  Even Norman Earl found this disgusting.  I felt like a lady from the early 1800’s in my floppy hat all Christian perfect judging his public sin.  I guess if I had big hairy balls and a penis that were very sweaty I would want to fix them too.  Still, he had wiener sweat on his hand and went back to touching things.  I would never do that. 

Some of the workers at work took clients to the beach this week.  I’m glad I’m a receptionist.  My body was not made for either the beach nor this heat.  Putting them together does not sound like a fun day at the beach for me.  Literally and figuratively.  I don’t know what I would do if I had to stand with some poor client sweating on the beach for hours.  I’m sure I would fake some sort of car trouble or something along those lines.  When it feels like 45 outside this girl will be inside with her wrestling DVD and playstation.  My friend working in a rehab has managed to fish clients out of a neighboring pool almost every day.  At this point the older couple now calls asking for her letting her know when the clients have come for a swim.  If I didn’t have air I would be trying to break in a yard to swim.  It’s fair.  My Asian neighbors have an above ground pool that is not being used.  That’s right.  Two kids perfect age to be the most popular kids ever and they aren’t able to use the pool.  I think they used it once last year and this year just let it go.  Perhaps it’s a cultural thing or the pool needs help and he doesn’t have anyone to ask what to do.  Either way it’s a waste of a pool and better not be attracting some new kind of diseased bug to bite me. 

Clearly the weather is getting to me.

Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Diabetes Anniversary week to me!
I know, who would celebrate this with such excitement?  This chunky nut.  Why?  Well despite not great news the diabetes wake up call did wonders for a few aspects of my life. 
1.       Staying up late is no longer really an option.  I know…fun.  It jacks with my sugar too much and I pay for it the next day way too much.  Who wants to waste a day of doing something fun when you are too tired or slow.
2.       I was never a real drinker before.  Just not my thing but I did love a good girly drink here and there.  Sadly they are full of sugar.  Now I have to limit myself to one beer and maybe a rum and diet pop.  Again, sexy.
3.       Exercise.  I was never an exerciser but now I have to move and walk the dog here and there.  In the winter I will be working on my upstairs room to create a Zen fun room with my Gazelle and space to stretch things out.
4.       Putting myself and my health first.  This was always a hard one for me.  Due to whatever you want to over think I seem to put others first way too much of my life.  Look how that turned out.  So now I make sure I am ok before I give my energy to anyone else.  I have more energy in so many aspects of my life.
5.       Thanks to my good friend Stephanie who gave me no choice but to have her go with me to pick up my stuff for the first time and show me exactly how to use it until I was confident.  I would have been scared and overwhelmed but she made sure I knew what I was doing and took the fear out of it all.  That is what a friend does when you are scared but won’t admit it.
So here we are a year later and I’m up and down with the weight and despite some acting out and not listening to myself a few times I’m actually very happy with life.  I wouldn’t say Diabetes was the worst deal ever but it woke me up a bit to the unhealthy choices I’ve made in my life.  Either way I’m working it out the best I can.  I’ve been lucky really.  I was reading about some of the side effects and it says women are more prone to vagina infections.  Knock wood my hot pocket has never had any issues.  I keep that shit buttoned up.