Monday, 11 March 2013

Chelsea Handler and the truth

Today being Monday and me being unemployed it feels like Sunday.  I know.  Don't hate me.  With the dreary rain outside it's a perfect day for a Sunday.  It's even March Break so the kids across the street at the school are gone.  Lucky for me the people next door seem to keep their kids in the house all the time so it should be a quiet few days.  Basement girl is even gone so I'm shirt free without the fear of being caught.  This is livin.

I've had another interview that went well so I'm back to waiting to hear back.  I don't know how I feel about taking just a short contract but it's something and in this economy with this lack of formal education it's not anything I can pass up.  I want to stay in social services supporting people but the not for profit game is a cold mistress when it comes down to funding and such.  Still, I would rather do something I love that makes some difference in the world then push papers all day. But for those of you who push papers...push away.

I had a thought the other day how interesting it would be to just do contracts around the city at not for profits.  3 months at each kind of in a pool of people wanting to go somewhere new but stay in the same sort of work.  With the burn out rate so high people could feel like they are in a new job everywhere they go learning new things about other agencies.  Again, brilliant idea on my part. 

I actually opted to skip Walking Dead last night and watch Oprah interview Chelsea Handler.  As someone who has read almost all her books and loves a few comedian writers on her show I just had to.  Despite her getting slagged for sleeping her way to the top I think she is actually one of the most talented comedians out there.  She tells it like it is.  I'm just starting to write jokes and this blog but the one thing I struggle with is being mean.  I love how she can talk about her personal life that is real with just a whiff of poking fun at those in it.  Honestly, I worry about what people think too much and that will be holding me back with writing and comedy.  My personal life is hilarious.  From who I've dated to who I've wanted to date.  How can I not talk about my hilarity with muddling around this life and who I meet along the way. 

Now, in reading that a few people probably just tightened up anally and are now scared and that is fair.  If you can't laugh at life...what can you laugh at.  I don't think I would ever make fun of anything super personal like an abortion or accidentally blowing your boss for a raise.  However for the sake of being real and facing the good and bad...I'm not going to leave too much out.  I don't run from my life or the challenges in it.  I might hide behind a bush for a minute and regroup but this chunky monkey is not going to hide for long.

I think people don't know what to do with people like Chelsea Handler.  They speak their minds, opinions and truths in a way that you have to laugh at.  I do the best I can with that myself but sometimes, like the rest of the world I fuck it up.  That's where the fun part comes in.  You kind of can't make fun of someones truth when they are living it.  Now...if you are busy running from your life and hiding behind everything that will stand still long enough for you not to be living your can bet I'm going to make fun of that shit.  ;-)

Remember one of my favourite sayings.  Life is too short and no one gets out alive. 
Enjoy life and have a laugh.  My dream is to find my own place to make people smile.  What's yours?

Sunday, 3 March 2013

Tealights, horsemeat and health

So despite a very busy few days of fun I've managed to get my ass up early this morning and make a little time to blog. Last night I was made an amazing vegan dinner and this morning woke up with equally amazing thank you farts.  Farts that when I took the dog out were still waiting for me 7 minutes later when I got back in the house.  Still worth the great dinner and conversation.  I also managed to "borrow" a copy of this years Ikea Catalogue.

I love the Ikea catalogue more then the store almost.  The beautiful rooms all done up and happy possible Swedish and the odd Asian models in happy home life scenes.  Amazing.  Ikea has always had a special place in my heart.  I think it's more the act of going.  I went the first time with a friend from College years ago and have maybe gone 8 or 10 times.  Mostly with my gay guy friends.  The greatest trips to the store have been early on weekdays when the store is not full of fighting couples and people in general.  So full that you can't enjoy the visit.  See, that's the thing.  For those of us here in London to get to Burlington or Toronto for an Ikea visit it's a big deal.  It involves planning and excitement.

My meat soul mate Jason lives about 5 minutes away from one just outside Toronto. He and his wife think nothing of taking the kids for breakfast for a dollar and dumping them in the ball pit for an hour while they go shopping either in the store or close by.  Amazing.  They can just run over for stuff.  That would be deadly for some of us if they actually built an Ikea in London.  That rumour has been around as long as I can remember.  Seriously, every year or so someone tells me "they are going to build one in Hyde Park" or where ever there is some new construction.  Lies.  I never get excited anymore...ever. 

I honestly do not get why they don't open one here.  We have a University and College for fuck sakes!  There is millions of dollars in discount furniture sales for students right there!  September would be a nightmare to get near the store but amazing sales.  *Fun Fact.  London has more retail sales for back to school then it does for Christmas.  Or it used to.  Seriously!*  That fun fact alone deserves an Ikea! 

I have had 3 Ikea sofas now.  The one I have now I found online and though stylish its not as comfortable as the long blue one I had.  I loved that one.  It was as big as a single bed to lay on and back when I got it and this house (both were 4th hand) I had a great time breaking that sofa in with my girlfriend at the time.  I miss that sofa.  Great for naps and I think about 7 of my friends loved it for drunken sleepovers.  No one peed it either.  Thanks guys. 

I've only eaten at Ikea once or twice. I didn't eat the meatballs, I know that for sure.  I don't trust non homemade meatballs, they never seem to agree with me.  Now with all the fuss about eating horse meat I honestly think people need to figure it out.  Yes, I might be the worst person trying to be a vegan ever in the history of people trying to be vegan but come on.  What do you expect from companies trying to make as much money as possible?  If you want to know what is in your food then make it yourself.  I found out last year that all most all Harvey's burgers are made with soy.  Check it out.

Think about this.  Depending on how the horses were raised their meat could be leaner.  I am guessing if it found its way into dollar meatballs and fast food burgers they were raised for slaughter.  I learned long ago there are too many horses out there thanks to HRT (hormone replacement therapy) since only pregnant horses pee makes the HRT stuff.  (Gross)  So they keep horses pregnant and out come more horses.  Since we all don't have our own horse you can imagine how many extras there are.  Personally I'm good looking slightly manly and having night sweats.  I don't want to ingest horse all. 

Its funny how the vegan granola crunchers I used to make fun of are now making sense.  I honestly think people are tired of all the crap in food.  Crap is ok here and there but I make it a point to buy as little canned food or processed shit as possible.  Yesterday I saw this and had to say something about it.  Now outside of summer if your kid is eating that many hot suck as a parent.  I'm sorry I'm not a parent but come on.  I got thinking that now in schools you can bring peanut butter so kids sandwiches are lunch meat.  I'm guessing not the good kid like a fresh ham or turkey but the shit kind you get in a package.  Baloney is basically flat hot dogs and I've known people who feed their kids that daily. I bet that's 12 hot dogs a month.

Now I get that kids are picky and that's fine.  But trust me parents.  Diabetes, fucked up hormones and high blood pressure is picky too.  It always picks those of us who ate like frat boys for too long and expected to be picked last like we were in school for sports.  Little secret...that is our chance to get picked first. 

So I plan on continuing to do my best to take better care of myself.  Today that starts with a hot tea and slowly flipping my way into the new Ikea catalogue thinking about a road trip when I'm back on my shopping day trip feet.