Thursday, 3 October 2013

Gone too Long

So yes it’s been forever since I have blogged about anything.  What a whore I am?  It’s not like I have anything better to do.  It’s not like you will be getting some big update on some amazing love affair that has swept me away to Europe for months where I have lost 100 lbs eating fresh croissants and making love in fancy hotels.  Trust me.  That has not been happening.

I’m not sure what is up my ass when it comes to sticking to writing out a topic.  I have started many topics from news events, funny situations and some deep thought shit but never seem to finish.  As I write this I don’t know where it’s going.  I don’t really care about anything that much to rant about it so really this could be very short or very confusing.  Either way thanks for sticking it out and coming back to see if I give a shit about anything.
I guess I don’t give a shit about anything.  I’ve noticed this about myself.  I keep laughing at my lack of give a shit when it comes to the gays.  The gay community is starting to look like a swat team of haters.  One person from a company or group says something half shitty about gays and all of a sudden we get in a group like a pack of wolves going after a bunny.  “Don’t eat that pasta, the CEO says gays suck.”  This time of year my mother and I are still not sure if we can go to Trails End because someone who worked there gave a trans person a hard time.  Fairly sure we both want to go before the weather gets to shitty but as a gay will I be given a hard time by other gays?  When do we get to the point where we can say “We cool now?”

I do admire the young gays who have too much time and energy to hop it a car with ready-made signs, a cooler full of snacks and 50 of their closest friends and ex’s ready to voice an opinion on a cold corner.  I’ve never done anything like that.  Years ago I did go to Take Back the Night but it was to get laid.  Sadly I didn’t know the theme of Take Back the Night so needless to say the woman that I was seeing at the time was not in the mood after a night remembering dead women.  Fair.  I see that now.  Then I was a little put off.

This summer I skipped gay pride in favor of napping and working on the house.  Ok, I just napped but in my defense it was hot and I was not in the mood for that many people.  The year before I was forced and didn’t fully mind once I got there.  I guess I didn’t want the half my boob sun burn and full head burn but it did feel good to celebrate my penis in vagina free life with so many people who were fine with that. 
I’m just not a mob mentality person.  If you hate gays then that’s on you.  If the makers of Tim Tams or some other product I loved said “We hate fat lesbians in golf shirts” then I might have an issues but honestly I can separate the product from an over paid douche who runs the company.  Maybe it’s the introvert in me but sometimes the best way to show someone you could care less about their comments is to care less about their comments and more about living a great life without anyone’s approval. 

Tuesday, 23 July 2013

Hot Dogs, Smoke and Sprinklers

Today is national Hot Dog appreciation day.  I'm guessing only in America since Canada is busy making sure beer and smokes aren't getting over taxed again.  It's how Canada is.  We don't have to have days to celebrate everything.  We just have a hot dog without all the fuss.  I might even bust out some frozen sausage for dinner just because it's that day.  Much like women hot dogs are great in theory but are terrible for you.  That's a joke.  I still like women and have not become more jaded then usual.  Insert happy winky face here.

I don't like to think about what is in a hot dog.  Learning about vegans and all that has put me right off the traditional made with about 400 chemicals.  Now if I need to shove something phallic in my mouth I go to a butcher, that way I know what's in them.  Sunripe has a hot dog with about 7 ingredients so that's something a little better.  I do sometimes get the vegan dogs.  They taste like a finger without a bone in it.

Today 3 clients have come in smelling like they just sit in their clothes and smoke all day in a closet.  I don't know how anyone can sit in an office with the door closed talking to these people.  Good lord.  My area is open and I still smell them like they are on me blowing smoke in my face.  "They" suggest you never smoke before a job interview but I'm starting to think smokers have the smell woven into their clothes.  God knows my wonderful parents smell like they just came from bingo in the 70's some days.  I used to smell like that constantly when I lived at home.  Gack!

It just rained but tonight I am suppose to run the sprinkler at the neighbours.  I'm going to run through it, or sit in it.  Either way a spray of water will go up the leg of my shorts until it reaches my vagina. 

Thursday, 18 July 2013

This heat is Bullshit

Anyone else’s wiener dog shit on the bed this week? No just me?  That’s what I thought.  Needless to say I had two loads of laundry done by 7:30 am.  When I asked Norman Earl “Who did this?”  he flipped over and showed me his penis.  I don’t know who that worked on in the past but he is really barking up the wrong tree.  Needless to say someone needs some retraining.  I’ve spoiled him.  I own it.  Either way things are going to have to change. 

I feel oddly unsure of this world right now.  People are leaving dogs and babies in cars every day, 5 people have been hit by busses lately and in Florida it seems to be ok to kill kids (thanks for starting that ball running Casey Anthony.)  I think people are so self absorbed and think nothing will happen to them, that is when accidents and stupidity happen.  Hey, I’ve done some stupid things and luckily didn’t get caught or hurt.  Still, leaving a kid in the car when you run into shoppers for 3 things?  You don’t know how long the line will be.  I don’t care if the kid is sleeping or what.  It’s not right.  Don’t get me started about Dogs.  Leave the pets at home to enjoy the cool air-conditioning.  They don’t need to go to the hot summer festivals or with you to the store.  I love the video of the vet sitting in the car for a half an hour.  People don’t think.  I love that people are getting in the faces of these jerks waiting by the car or breaking windows.  This to me is acceptable. 

The creepy man who is always in a bathing suit a few doors down has been up blaring 80’s music at 6 am every day this week.  Last night he cut the grass in his stained bathing suit and drenched in sweat he felt the need to go up his pant leg and rearrange his man tackle.  Even Norman Earl found this disgusting.  I felt like a lady from the early 1800’s in my floppy hat all Christian perfect judging his public sin.  I guess if I had big hairy balls and a penis that were very sweaty I would want to fix them too.  Still, he had wiener sweat on his hand and went back to touching things.  I would never do that. 

Some of the workers at work took clients to the beach this week.  I’m glad I’m a receptionist.  My body was not made for either the beach nor this heat.  Putting them together does not sound like a fun day at the beach for me.  Literally and figuratively.  I don’t know what I would do if I had to stand with some poor client sweating on the beach for hours.  I’m sure I would fake some sort of car trouble or something along those lines.  When it feels like 45 outside this girl will be inside with her wrestling DVD and playstation.  My friend working in a rehab has managed to fish clients out of a neighboring pool almost every day.  At this point the older couple now calls asking for her letting her know when the clients have come for a swim.  If I didn’t have air I would be trying to break in a yard to swim.  It’s fair.  My Asian neighbors have an above ground pool that is not being used.  That’s right.  Two kids perfect age to be the most popular kids ever and they aren’t able to use the pool.  I think they used it once last year and this year just let it go.  Perhaps it’s a cultural thing or the pool needs help and he doesn’t have anyone to ask what to do.  Either way it’s a waste of a pool and better not be attracting some new kind of diseased bug to bite me. 

Clearly the weather is getting to me.

Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Diabetes Anniversary week to me!
I know, who would celebrate this with such excitement?  This chunky nut.  Why?  Well despite not great news the diabetes wake up call did wonders for a few aspects of my life. 
1.       Staying up late is no longer really an option.  I know…fun.  It jacks with my sugar too much and I pay for it the next day way too much.  Who wants to waste a day of doing something fun when you are too tired or slow.
2.       I was never a real drinker before.  Just not my thing but I did love a good girly drink here and there.  Sadly they are full of sugar.  Now I have to limit myself to one beer and maybe a rum and diet pop.  Again, sexy.
3.       Exercise.  I was never an exerciser but now I have to move and walk the dog here and there.  In the winter I will be working on my upstairs room to create a Zen fun room with my Gazelle and space to stretch things out.
4.       Putting myself and my health first.  This was always a hard one for me.  Due to whatever you want to over think I seem to put others first way too much of my life.  Look how that turned out.  So now I make sure I am ok before I give my energy to anyone else.  I have more energy in so many aspects of my life.
5.       Thanks to my good friend Stephanie who gave me no choice but to have her go with me to pick up my stuff for the first time and show me exactly how to use it until I was confident.  I would have been scared and overwhelmed but she made sure I knew what I was doing and took the fear out of it all.  That is what a friend does when you are scared but won’t admit it.
So here we are a year later and I’m up and down with the weight and despite some acting out and not listening to myself a few times I’m actually very happy with life.  I wouldn’t say Diabetes was the worst deal ever but it woke me up a bit to the unhealthy choices I’ve made in my life.  Either way I’m working it out the best I can.  I’ve been lucky really.  I was reading about some of the side effects and it says women are more prone to vagina infections.  Knock wood my hot pocket has never had any issues.  I keep that shit buttoned up.

Friday, 28 June 2013

Wet Wet Wet

As per any good Canadian long weekend, it’s raining.  Regular people are up in arms about this but as nothing about me is regular I am excited by the prospect of rain all weekend.  Mainly because I’ve been chomping at the bit to reorganize a few things at home and read.  I love the rain and curling up with a good or bad book with the sound of the rain outside is one of the best things there is.  Seriously.  This morning when I had the dog out I felt like a little kid.  The rain was heavy enough to create a good little flow in the gutter so in my flip flops with my little dog up on the grass I walked right in the gutter feeling the flow of water all around me.  It was wonderful.  I walked extra slow to enjoy even longer since I was sure the dog was not going to tolerate the rain for very long.  We walked up and down the side of the street allowing me to enjoy the flow covering my feet while he sniffed then begged to go back home.  If I had of done this alone I would have looked like a crazy person.  Thank god for that little dog not blowing my cover of weirdness.  Good Boy!

Wednesday, 26 June 2013


So I’m done sugar coating this blog to save anyone’s feelings.  Right now I am at work with a wicked case of the shits.  I place full blame of this on my mother and the shake mix her friend told her she had to get while in the states.  Right now I am sitting on what feels like a lit curling iron up my ass.  Everyone at work has been very understanding however I don’t need everyone knowing the 15 minutes I just spent in the bathroom was me praying that I don’t shit myself while at work.  I think we have all been there.  I know if I got the shits at home I would be on the bowl reading happily and not focused on my now burning leather cheerio. 

I choose to take this as a sign that I should order the 20 dollar gel filled toilet seat from Regal.  That and my ability to read 1000% better while on the bowl.  Plus I just like to read on the toilet.  I sit there reading and peeing or pooping at will.  Yes, sometimes my legs fall asleep but when all is said and done I love it.  I’m like someone’s middle aged Dad.  Reading on the bowl is my deal.  My Grandfather (as was told to me) used to sit on the toilet with the newspaper on the floor in front of him.  Bent over he would leaf over the pages while taking his time releasing  the hounds.  Yes, I’ve actually been shitting while looking at Norman Earl and saying “Release the hounds!”  He loves it. 

Why am I telling you?  My loyal ten(‘s) of readers.  Why not?  We all do it and most of us manage not to shit themselves while at work.  With some of the stomach problems I’ve had over the years I could open a beer with my butt.  Honestly.  I’ve clenched my buttocks for miles without one drop of excitement leaking out.  As I get older my trust for both my bowels and my bladder is shaky at best.  You never know.  As women get older they pee when they laugh, sneeze, cough, bend over, lift something heavy and breath too deeply.  Amazing deal.  Not every woman mind you.  I of course am painting with a very broad (ha! Chicks are also called broads) stroke.  Still, it happens.  I wonder if Mrs. Duggar has a catheter at this point.  I mean so many bodies have pressed on her bladder I’d be shocked if she didn’t have a cotton towel under that skirt catching what falls out.  I bet she pee’s if hit with a good strong wind.  Gross.  How does Jim Bob even manage to get her pregnant at this point?  Don’t think about it.

Either way thank you my ten(s) of readers for helping me win my wrestling match with the extreme scooters today.  You are a great listener.

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Books in the yard

Apparently putting on my underwear correctly was a bit of a stretch this morning.  I don’t fully know what’s wrong but thus far I’m waiting for appointments to cool down before I fix myself.  These are one of my good pairs too!  Either way should my pants fall down I will be wearing clean and excitingly cool looking underwear.  That’s a bonus. 

Look at me boring the shit out of you people three days in a row.  I’ve decided that during my downtime I will do my best to blog since I need to both look busy and keep my comedy mind working at all times.  Writing helps with ideas so really this blog deal is an investment in my writing future and exercising my smart ass remarks to you guys.  So really you should all be thanking me.  You’re welcome guys.  No problem.

Last night after a long day at work and a bad night for Basement Girl (Lets just call her what my Mother calls her from this point on.  BG.)  So BG and I opted to have some share the same home bonding time with a burger and some Value Village Shopping.  Swank I know.  We both have a slight addiction to the book section of Value Village so every few months we end up there scouting the books.  Last night and 28 dollars later (a little much for used books but I have no self control) we both walked out feeling happy with out purchases.  I of course gave into one of my biggest guilty pleasures.  Biographies of almost any sort.  I love a good biography of an interesting celebrity or historical figure who has lived an interesting life.  These books I mostly read in the shitter or on rainy days when no one is around to mock the glint in my eye and smile on my face.  I am sure my mother wishes I had discovered this type of book when I was young.  Summers at the cottage usually cost her and my grandparents about 50 bucks in books to keep me busy.  I think this was where I began stealing books from the school library.  Needless to say the security of Cartier PS Library was non existent.  You filled out the little card and put it in a little bucket.  I learned early on to leave my card blank and not return the book.  Good luck finding me Mrs. O’Brian!  This lead to the great cleaning out my room in grade 8 resulting in about 60 library books that had been stolen over the years.  Sneaking them back into the library was no small event.  I ended up filling my back pack about 3 times and hiding the books in the closed off area where crap was stored.  I managed to get them all back without being discovered or my Mother calling to follow up. 

Clearly my obsession for books started early.  My mother was and is still a reader.  I don’t know how you can not be a reader when one or both of your parent’s faces are pressed into a book much of the time.  From the age of about 12 I tried to relate to my Mom via books.  At the cottage I would read the books she had just finished.  Usually a mystery or a Danielle Steele book.  You would think I had an unrealistic view of love based on the romance books I was bored enough to read while with my family.  As an only child I had to read to amuse myself.  Reading eventually turned to writing and coming up with my own story ideas.  If I could only focus enough to write my own book. 

So the purchases made last night were as follows:
* Margaret Trudeau Bio.  Newer and talks about her mental health issues.
* Meredith Baxter (Elyse Keaton – the Mom on Family Ties) is a lesbian now.  So that should have some good action.
* Book about a dog that races and 2 people have told me I need to read.
* Barbra Walters far to publicized autobiography Audition.  This was a book I have been avoiding since I came out.  I am not a real fan but one thing I can’t take away from her is a life full of interesting shit.  If there is a full chapter on Hasselbeck I’m going to burn the book in backyard fire.  Either way I might burn it as I don’t want to die and be found with this book in my home.

A tiny part of me wished I was both unemployed with a stunning yard to sit out and read in for the summer.  I guess I should also wish I didn’t burn in the shade and had a pool but the other two aren’t happening either so lets not get all caught up in my sense of dream entitlement.  Either way its not going to happen so reading on the shitter and in my backyard is going to have to be all I’ve got this summer.  So is life.  As usual I will be happy with what I have and just deal.  I’ve enjoyed being out more with Norman and Fred and think honestly more time this summer with the boys would be wonderful.  At some point I hope the neighbour gets his ass in gear and builds me up a privacy fence.  If I had one on both sides I could be pants free, reading in my the shade. 

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Sandwiches and the North

It might be early today but I might be on the track of getting back to my normal level of tired.  I typed that and yawned.  Damn it all to hell!  I did managed to sleep without moving until 3 am when I woke up with a full bladder.  For about 5 seconds I thought about peeing myself then got up and staggered to the bathroom.  I might have fallen asleep on the toilet for a bit because at some point I noticed that my head was against the wall and my eyes had been closed for a while.  Either way I went right back to bed and slept like a large baby.

Basement Girl will often work nights and another morning shift on no sleep.  This is not something I could do.  I was offered some relief hours at one of the group homes but aside from the fact that I would be working with hardened criminals I would have to work nights much of the time.  Now I could work nights and it’s not that I’m a princess and I’m too good to work nights, which could be part of it since I am a princess and could maybe be a little too tender to work nights.  Anyway, enough about me being tender.  The issue I have with working nights is that when my father was working nights be was very sick with the diabetes and got worse.  It jacked so bad with his system and his memory that he “retired” early.  I always felt bad for him.  He loved working at the College and still talks about it like he just stopped working last week.  Mom and I roll our eyes but aside from us it’s really all he had. 

I went to the store on lunch and when I was getting a diet coke I noticed in the cooler of the store they had those variety store sandwiches for almost 5 bucks.  Jesus.  How hungry does someone have to be to buy one of those?  You don’t know when or where they were made and the meat I’m guessing is all slimy.  I wonder if people eat these on a dare.  I’ve seen the hamburgers in there too.  Who just buys a 5 dollar burger that’s been in a fridge for who knows how long and heats it up?  Gack.  That doesn’t seem right at all to me.  I don’t think this has ever been ok but honestly besides stoners with the angry munchies who would go into a store and buy this?  I seriously might buy one just to analyze this.  By that I mean to take it apart and do some quality testing and not that I bought one and ate it already.  I promise.  That did not happen.

I guess sometimes I wonder about things.  I think it comes from being a people watcher, evaluator and general 5 year old about the world.  Last week I grilled another new staff who spent 4 years working in Nunavut.  The poor girl.  Thank god she’s the new Mental Health person or she might not have been ready for my barrage of questions for 45 minutes.  Bless her.  The highlights that were not sad included fun food facts such as paying $9 bucks for a cucumber, fresh food being flown in and freezing on the way due to altitude and a huge pack of 24 rolls of toilet paper on sale for $58 dollars.  I am assuming in those homes 2 ply is unfolded to 1 ply and the 3 squares rule is law.  Jesus.  One of my after a weekend of eating bad poops would cost about $6 bucks.  I don’t want to think about my period.

Another fun fact is she confirmed they do have 30 Days of Night (minus the non English speaking vampires) and 30 days of light.  Seriously!  I could do the dark as I love the dark but the light would jack with my system too much.  I can nap the shit out of a sunny day but I think it not being dark when I have my big sleep would mess with me.  She did say that when it’s dark, it’s dark.  Black.  The streets have some huge lamps so you can see in the downtown but that’s it.  Some times it gets a touch light.  Kind of a dusk but that is it.  How awesome?!?!  She did say that when it’s light all the time the native people are up at all hours and think nothing of not going to work and hunting all night and camping.  It’s a cultural thing.  Fascinating!  I would love to go for a visit but I could not live there unless I was rich.  Also I could not live there if I was rich due to the poverty and I would end up giving up a ton of money to kids without teeth or food. 

Sometimes I look a the world  from the eyes of a jaded approaching middle aged chick with bills to pay and other times I amaze myself with my hilarious innocence at the places I have yet to go and the billions of things I don’t know.  Aren’t I just a ray of sunshine today.

Tuesday, 18 June 2013


punch-drunk (p nch dr ngk )
1. Showing signs of brain damage caused by repeated blows to the head. Used especially of a boxer.
2. Behaving in a bewildered, confused, or dazed manner.

My friend Sheena (not real name to protect innocent) used to tell me she felt punch-drunk all the time.  I didn’t fully get it until this week.  Now I am completely behaving in a bewildered, confused and dazed manner.  So after a long break this blog could be interesting, confusing and bewildering.  Be worried.

Again I have let the blog slide.  Sorry to those who check and find nothing updated.  I have started many topics but end up getting distracted and not finishing my thought or posting.  No excuse really, just busy and spending my time keeping up with house stuff and friends.  The new bed is still fairly amazing.  Still firm and I still feel like it’s a big girl bed.  High, well made, and with the headboard snazzy.  I do have a funny story about my headboard.

So as any adult knows sometimes when things are happening the headboard hits the wall and it sounds like someone is being murdered.  Sometimes.  Anyway.  After getting the new bed I was determined that this nonsense stop so I can enjoy sex without the fear of basement girl thinking I’ve joined an armature wrestling team.  (Team as in two, it’s a queen size not a king.)  Anyway so when the bed was delivered and I had it all made up I trotted off to the bathroom and got two of the thickest most industrial maxi pads that I could find.  Why?  Well they are now protecting my newly painted wall and the back of my headboard from hitting the wall during…wrestling.  The wrapper is not visible and the wrestling thus far has been muffled by the good people at not-name-brand maxi pad company.  It hasn’t marked the wall and basement girl can’t tell when I have company.  SCORE!

I wish I could take full responsibility for that idea.  Sadly many years ago my Great Grandpa decided that with a free sample panty liner would prevent a wall mirror from touching the wall.  This is the kind of handy people I come from.  In his defense he had no idea what the pad was for as Granny hadn’t had a period since just after WW2.  Always a thinker that man was. 

So thus far I’m at work still exhausted.  It’s Tuesday for Christ sake and I am acting like I was at a rave all night.  Yesterday was worse.  I was up late Sunday on the phone with a friend and that seems to have jacked me all over the place.  I have had a few late nights over the weeks but I have been able to bounce back quite well.  Sadly yesterday, Monday, I spent most of my day trying to stay awake and focus on some fairly simple tasks.  That didn’t go amazingly well.  I came home, got a 2nd wind, pulled some weeds, BBQ’d and then showered.  In bed by 9:30 I passed out for the night and woke up bewildered in a confused and dazed manner.  So of course Norman Earl had to get up when I got up and needed out right away.  Only able to see out of one  eye I managed to get clothes on and get him out before any accident’s happened.  Shockingly I managed not to fall down my front steps or kill myself walking across the street.   Now I’m at work, semi more alert then yesterday but still oddly tired.  I’ve checked my sugars and they seem ok.  Maybe I just need a good rest or a vacation.  Laurie and I are debating on another weekend away but for now I think resting up and getting things done quietly around the house would prove to be less stressful for me in the long run. 

I have about 6 home projects on the go.  Sadly my own adult ADD has gotten the best of me so a few things are half done and it’s getting on my nerves.  I wonder if Amazon has a book for adults with ADD who can’t finish a home project?  I’d only order it and read the first chapter anyway.  I own that.  Perhaps this weekend I can get a few things done.  Sometimes I seriously think I should have gotten a condo.  One of those fancy apartment ones really high with a big balcony.  Then again I wouldn’t have found Fred.  Stray street cats don’t make it up to the 20th floor. 

Despite being exhausted I am blissfully happy.  My off the blog life has been wonderful lately, work is going great and I’ve got some serious irons in the fire.  If I could just get some extra sleep…

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

News Slaughter

I’m being a total hypocrite but when did our culture feel the urge to share everything with everyone?  I was watching a clip of one of the late night TV hosts talking about CNN and it made me really think.  The clip in question had Nancy Grace talking to another reporter.  Both were in parking lots reporting but the other reporter claimed to be in Arizona.  If you were watching a bus went by in the background behind Nancy and 5 seconds later the same bus when behind the other reporter.  They were about 15 feet away from each other in the same parking lot.  In the same city.  For Christ sake CNN.  The late night host accused CNN of something called News Slaughter.  Basically meaning they slaughter us with ever piece of detail, useless or otherwise about a news story.  Case in point when someone is murdered we get dramatic reenactments, an exact replica of the crime scene recreated and every expert in the world talking about people they have never met.  HLN and CNN have hours of news based a few details and interviews with people who have nothing to do with the case at hand.  I’m sure if I ever kill anyone Cliff the ginger kid from grade 3 will be on TV going on and on about how I switched his lunch pail for mine that was full of mold and fruit flies thus making the entire class think he was gross.  Yes, this could have been a turning point in life making me a horrible person. 

I won’t lie.  I have read too much on those 3 girls found in Cleveland.  10 years held captive and raped.  I don’t even understand how someone could do that to three girls and allowing a little girl to be raised in those conditions.  Now that these girls are “free” lets have every detail of their 10 years being raped by some gross old guy.  What the fuck do you think happened people?!  He kidnapped them so they could just hang out, read and do crosswords?  Come on.  Do we need to know?  I think we can all assume.  The thing that got me angry was the little girl born in captivity.  Now she is “free” also but at some point she will learn to goggle and all her little friends will learn to google so they can learn all about how her bio father is a creepy rapist.  Thanks for the heads up.  I do have to give Germany or one of those European countries credit.  When the guy had built his daughter some creepy hidden apartment and raped her for 20 years.  She had 7 kids.  Well Germany or wherever stepped up and gave her a new identity and moved her away.  Thank you!  Way to give that girl and her children a life that does not involve answering questions and providing updates we don’t need for the rest of her life.

I used to love a good true crime book or show.  I miss the old school shows on A&E and a good murder mystery movie.  Seriously who did not grow up Sunday’s watching Columbo and McMillan and wife?  These days we have to know everything.  We sit and watch Nancy Grace or pick up a book hoping we get to hear all about the details involving everyday life and sex.  It’s almost that it’s our right to know exactly what happened.  For some reason it made me angry that the world got the results on the DNA test done on the poor little girl in the Cleveland case.  No shit she was fathered by him.  Do we need proof and more importantly does the world need to know?  I’m shocked we were not given the detailed metal records of them all after they were checked out at the hospital.  Honestly!  That will be next.  No shit they were pregnant multiple times.  I don’t think someone that crazy would wear a condom or have some sort of system in place.  But for some reason we need to hear it, see it and feel it via everyone connected or not to the case.  For what? 

It used to make me think when they talked about JFK being shot on TV.  Who hasn't seen the tape of him getting his head blown off about 100 times in their lives.  It’s part of who we are now.  I used to think about his kids.  JKF Jr (who I loved) could just turn on the TV and see it.  No warning at times.  Now how would you like to be turning on your TV and with no notice watch one of your parents be killed…on a loop even.  Then analysed over and over again.  Now what if everyone in the world got to watch it too.  I know that if I ever met JFK Jr (I would have humped him) I would have asked what that felt like to have something that awful put on display everyday.  (After the uncomfortableness of my hump and generic conversation to get him comfortable again.)

Yesterday the body of a 32 year old husband and father was found.  He was just trying to sell his truck online and went for a test drive.  How do you even think about that?  He said he would be right back to his wife.  That must have been the longest night of that woman's life.  The longest week really.  Now she has years of hearing details, a trial and the case made an example of for years to come.  Don't forget the joy of explaining every layer of that to their daughter.  Totally heartbreaking.  We will know too much.

I remember before the Bernardo trial and the publication ban in Canada.  There were all these false details being reported just so people were kept interested.  I'm ashamed to say I own 4 books on the whole Bernardo trial.  The only good thing I can say about that whole deal is that the media at large does not see or speak to Paul Bernanrdo.  He has tried and tried to talk to anyone who will publish anything about him or how he was wronged but thus far no one will touch him.  Thank god.  As much as even I would love to hear the rantings of that mad man lets respect the families who already live everyday without someone they love and will never hear another word from.
So I guess I've decided to not be so interested in the little details of these cases out of respect for the families.  They should hear the details from the police and not from every news paper, radio, TV and splashed all over the Internet.  We shouldn't know the details of how someone died.  I like to think like birth, relationships and death should be shared with few.  These three aspects of life should be respected enough to be private. 

Thursday, 2 May 2013

Salad Days

So I had four salads this weekend and feel like I could be dying.  This healthy life style is for the birds, well I think birds are even eating meat and garbage thanks to this world.  I guess I wish I was a bird right now.  Wrap a worm in bacon and I’d eat it right now.  Seriously. 

Friday night was date night so we went to the works.  Aside from the steam rollers that are the most amazing things ever created I gor a veggie burger with pineapple and brie cheese.  The sweet and sour sauce that comes with it might be the stickiest yet most amazing thing ever.  I also got onion rings that can never go wrong.  The best I have ever had in my life.  So that was my send off into a new healthy lifestyle.  After that it has been juicing and healthy salads.  Needless to say I’m hungry.

Saturday morning I spent about 40 bucks at the market on fruit and veggies.  Then another 30 at the grocery store on other things I needed.  Nothing was processed by the way.  I didn’t go up and down the isles for anything that didn’t come from dirt of some sort.  Hardfuckingcore I know but things do need to change in this little girls life.  I don’t mind eating healthy…it’s just not what I’m  use to really.  How awful is that?  When I think about how easy it is to eat processed food it’s clear why so many people struggle with weight and health issues.  When I started here I discovered Wendy’s loaded baked potatoes.  Sweet mother of baby lord Jesus!  First of all anything covered with that fake melted 7/11 nacho cheese from my high school days is amazing.  *I once when to this amazing mall in the states with Mike and Johnny and found a dive restaurant where they had that and would put it on anything.  I had fries smothered with it and a hot dog.*  Anyway, so with the amazing cheese you can get broccoli (lame) or bacon.  My choice was clear and easy.  I’ve had a few of them.  The last potato was clealy made by a teen boy who loves bacon.  I had a layer of bacon, then cheese then bacon.  Bless his little heart.  I don’t know him but I love him.  It was amazing.  I sat at my desk eating thinking I was being massaged from the inside out with love.  Dirty and gross but it felt that amazing.  It was warm and wonderful. 

I love a hot meal.  It’s how I was raised.  You come home and have a hot filling meal.  If you didn’t your mother didn’t love you and was a whore.  Needless to say Debbie makes a mean hot meal that has been enjoyed by many people over the years.  I wish my parents were more interesting but I was fed with love so thanks for that.  These days I have fed myself for many reasons.  Boredom, celebration, defeat, Wednesdays, friends, coupons and love.  Don’t we all.  I have a million reasons why I’ve celebrated things with food.  I just picked the main ones to illustrate my point on how my health got so bad.  I remember looking back when I was unhappy or unsure in a relationship I tended to eat a little more in my effort to comfort myself and to try and push the other person away.  Sadly both never worked. 

So I’m counting down the minutes until I get to eat.  I smell a few lunches around the office but nothing too amazing yet.  The school connected to the office hasn’t cooked anything that has smelled up the building in days so there is something.  My first month here was filled with smells of garlic and what I am guessing was good hot meals.  If I was more ballsy I would demand a hot plate for home.  I live alone fuckers!  Today I was wondering if they have been just feeding them sandwiches and juice boxes.  I smell nothing.  I need to know what’s happening!  Yes…I’m hungry.  My lunch of a full on salad with avocado, cucumbers and some seeds.  I had a bun with it but still…it’s not the smell of what I was guessing was lasagna and garlic bread.

These thoughts are not helping my diet at all.  In my last job I would have had the freedom to run and grab a stack.  For the better of my health I only get a half hour lunch and nothing good is really close so its variety store food or what a bring from home.  I’m doing fairly well at bringing food so that’s something good that I’ve managed to keep up with.  I don’t want to be all hungry and angry when I get home from work either.  I’m starting to think I’m lucky to live alone.  I’m starting to think others are lucky I live alone too. 

Thursday, 25 April 2013


So good things are slightly coming to the one who waits without bitching and moaning all the time.  I’ve managed to get a new bed, job is going amazing and was extended and I’ve been rather happy in my personal life.  Sadly I watched another documentary on health and am now terrified.

Needless to say we are for sure going back to Meat and Pants free in every way again.  This time I watched Fat, Sick and nearly Dead.  Amazing and it actually really hit me.  When you are unhealthy you tend to not think about it and think “it won’t happen to me” or next week I will start.  I have been playing that sweet game for a while.  My friend works in a high end rehab and has managed to gain 15 lbs in a month from all the amazing food  that is available constantly to her.  Plus, the chef seems to have a little crush on her so she’s been getting extra thick chocolate mouse every night.  Have at her! 

So the new bed came Saturday and after two nights of a bit of getting use to extreme firmness of things I seem to have gotten use to it.  The bed is so high that I have to get a leg up to get in it.  I felt very perched up in it and not very cozy.  I’m almost over that now.  Almost…but I find it funny I got the lower box spring and was going to change my mind.  Another four inches would surely mean a hip replacement in a month or me falling out of bed full on peeing myself.  I’m sure of it.  Plus should Norman Earl opt to try and jump down he would be jumping down from about 4.5 feet.  That’s an estimate but still the bed is so high that I feel like poor Norman could be hurt if he jumps.  Also the bed has a cooling layer so we both have yet to wake up all sweaty.  My pre-menopause sweating has stopped and Norman Earls little sweaty dog arm pits are a thing of the past!  Sadly things have changed with us.  He no longer sleeps under the covers.  Too many farts and hot boxing him with the smells have kept him on top of the covers and in his Mexican Stand off blanket. 

I just talked way too much about the dog.  Lame!  I’ve  totally jumped from an amazing life changing movie, to the new bed and now my dogs sweaty little arm pits.  What has this blog come to?  A mish mash of my random thoughts as I think them with no rhyme or reason?  Apparently that is how my mind works now.  My work is very much like that these days.  I do accounting, then reports and manage to help several Justice Workers at the same time.  My mind is never on one thing for very long and even around the house if I’m not playing a video game I’m up and down doing whatever while watching TV or playing on the computer.  What happened to just sitting and doing one thing?  Or keeping focused long enough to write a blog on one topic?

I was talking to someone about trivia earlier today.  My ability to remember completely useless facts and such makes me a great trivia person.  Sadly if I was able to harness this trait at a younger age I could have focused on school and maybe stayed focused long enough to get a degree in something amazing and in demand.  There should seriously be someone in schools who tests for whatever I have and gears some education toward helping me focus.  I also think this person would be amazing for people with ADD so they could find jobs or schooling that keeps them busy.  Some of the most successful people in the world have ADD.  Why are they successful?  Ability to multi task.  Seriously we need to figure out how to let people learn what they are passionate to learn without barriers of useless courses they don’t find interesting or stimulating.  That’s when people shut off.  The longer you are shut off the harder it is to turn you back on to something.  Be it work or a relationship.  Think about people who are in a relationship for a long time and it’s lost it’s luster or something has changed to turn you off.  If you leave it for a long time it’s much harder to turn it back on then if you work on it a day or two after a fight or change.  Same thing with a job really.  We get stuck because the pay is good, work friends, know the job and safety when really we could be moving forward or doing something that pays more in contentment then dollars. 

So I guess it’s important to follow your nose to what makes you feel alive.   The “It won’t happen to me” or “I’ll start tomorrow” attitude doesn’t always lead to the passionate life.  I guess the best I can do it keep working toward starting today what will make us better tomorrow.