Thursday, 28 February 2013


So last night I had a dream about the love of my life.  My Nana.  For the record I really don't believe that soul mates and or the love or someones life could compare to a pure friendship or love of one's Nana.  There is no comparison really.  Friends and my Nana were always there.  Romantic love comes and goes, heats up and fades.  There really is no constant.  (Anyone who says different watched too many Disney movies and clearly didn't think a few years down the road when Cinderella pops out a few kids and the Price is banging the maids.  Cynical...yes.  I don't live in a Disney movie.)

Anyway, back to my Nana.  Apparently I've been watching to much end of the world zombie crap because I was in an arena like the JLC with my Mom, Aunt Nancy and some other lady.  I left them for a bit and then either these meteors or bombs hit and all I knew was I had to go up to the way upper area where my Nana was in a hotel type room.  Way to go Nana.  So in a crazy emotional state I told my Mom to leave and I would get Nana and raced around fighting crowds and these three Jesus loving girls who were doing crowd control.  I called one of them and the lord some very choice things.  I told the three lord lovers to look for an old lady who looked like Betty White.  They tried to hold me back but I raced around.  Finally they found her in a line. 

Now, I should say that since my Nana died I've had about 4 dreams about here where I could kind of feel her.  I crave them since I miss her so much.  I choose to believe it's her way of comforting me.  So, when I saw my Nana in the dream I felt so excited yet at peace.  She looked almost spry and so happy to see me.  (It was the end of the world ish in the dream so I'm guessing she was glad we didn't just leave her there or anything like that.)  Hugging her in a dream is no comparison to a real hug of someone you love that much but for the first time in a while I felt a real calm.  I got a chance to hug and hold my Nana for a bit and after that the dream was kind of over. She never seems to stay long but always gives me a dose of what I need.

I'm sure I will blog more later but I kind of wanted to get that out.

Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Comfort food and Zen

So today is one of those days that you just have to have some comfort food.  I'm very tired, cold and feeling a little off.  I'm fairly sure grilled cheese and tomato soup will help with some of that.  It's not a miracle or anything but it can't hurt right?

Last night a friend and I stayed up late playing a war game on the PlayStation.  She didn't fully get the attraction until she started playing and like me tuned right out.  I don't think teens should be playing these games at all due to the violence but I have to say adults seem to find real relaxation in checking out.  You don't have to talk about anything deep or think really.  It's almost liberating.  Right now I've given up the Western game in replace of a war game.  I even downloaded a WW2 update!  It's very hard but I love the historical aspect of it. 

Now that I have tuned out and have my comfort food (I'm sipping on hot tomato soup from a mug and it's heavenly) I have opted to do a bit more with my time off then volunteer, read, hang out with unemployed friends, babysit (loved it) and clean the house I've decided to re-do one of my favourite Buddhist work books ever. 
I know some of you think how can someone who loves dick jokes and titty humour think they are all zen?  I am not at all saying I'm an amazing Buddhist who meditates 3 times a day and treats everyone like a baby bird.  I take what works for me out of teachings.  Several years ago I feel in love with Cheri Huber, the writer of the workbook and many other Buddhist books that dumb it down and make you think.  Kind of books for the rest of us.  I've collected several of them and refuse to loan them out to anyone I've not known for a minimum of 5 years.  I'm fucking serious.

Anyway, a few years back when I got the workbook basically because it was a Huber book.  I looked at the first pages and saw the questions and put it away with the collection.  Why?  The book was asking me to look at myself and I wasn't ready to do that.  At all.  I really don't care how cool, new age, zen or free spirited you think you are but when you pick something negative about yourself and examine it you want to close the book too.  It takes a lot to really look at yourself.  I'm fairly happy with myself but the last time I did the work book I really had some honestly moments.

Now, I'm not saying I was fixed or am the best person in the world.  But one thing I try to do is be honest about my feelings.  This combined with my trying to be more assertive has had it's moments of going well and well....sucking large.  Sometimes it seems as a woman when I am honest it goes one of two ways.  I'm either a bitch and heartless or someone tries to talk me out of my feelings.  I love that.  Apparently I'm this big passive teddy and a little "it's ok, give it time, are you sure, just think about it?" is going to make me completely change my feelings?  To tell you the truth...the passive part of me has let this happen.  I know.  We have all done it.  I've done it to a fault over the years.  You don't want to upset or hurt anyone so you agree or back down.  In the end you only hurt them and yourself more.  Then you become a bitch.  HA!  Life is fun that way. 

Anyway, I'm more perfect then I was when I first did this book so will see how my issues and views have changed.  I do enjoy learning about myself and figuring out why I do what I do.  I am fairly sure there are some people out there who would love the answers too.  I think looking at yourself is a wonderful exhausting thing.  Let me be clear that looking at yourself doesn't involve other people.  I learned that the hard way.  "But he hurt me!"  Looking at who did what to you isn't going to get you any more enlightened.  In fact you will be stuck asking why they did something to you for the rest of your life with that shit sucking attitude.  I felt wronged for a long time then finally I took a long look at myself and said "What about me thought it was ok to accept that for as long as I did?"  Everyone wants to blame someone else for their feelings these days.  I know...I'm ranting but come on. 

Anyway, so today I will pick out a fresh journal from my stock pile of journals and start my workbook.  Maybe I will toss some Tony Robbins in there and become a millionaire over night. 

Saturday, 23 February 2013

Fake Meat while Pants Free

I do like to make people happy and after going over requests for topics (keep them coming) I opted to not talking about sex you filthy perverts and instead talk about cooking today. 

STILL being unemployed means everyday feels like a weekend but I do like to make the weekends semi special so I opt to use this time for dates and cooking.  Today I decided to stretch that non existent food budget and make a shit ton of pasta sauce filled with far too many vegetables and fake meat.  I have an evil plot to fool myself into thinking that if the sauce is full of vegetables I won't eat as much pasta.  Yeah...I'm already laughing too. 

So I've already opted to make enough so that I have to use the long centre burner on my stove and mix everything in a roasting pan.  I've done this before and it's a life saver.  Who needs a pot when you have a penis shaped burner that also has an attachment for pancakes.  Men would be a bigger selling point if they had a breakfast food option with the penis.  (Save the baby batter jokes...I invented half of them.)

I also dug out my good Paderno chopper.  Now follower bitches you should know two things about me in the kitchen.  I love bleach and Paderno!  If you don't know what Paderno is let me express to you the value of quality cookware.  Now I know that unless you are getting married most people buy what they can afford as far as pots and pans and that is fine.  However if you spend the money, respect the stuff and use it the right way you won't ever have to replace it.  Paderno is a (used to be) made in Canada stainless steel cookware.  They have branched out now into other kitchen stuff but they were known for pots and pants.  Home hardware has sales on it a few times a year and as always my Mom and I are there fawning over a piece we don't have.  The last sale we went to I got 3 cutting boards (black ones in the back) and a handy food chopper.

Now I know there are choppers just like this out there.  I had one that I liked but had to replace it as the side nipple ('s a nipple) snapped off when I was chopping something.  The Paderno one is basically the same but with more inserts and said nipple has yet to flick off under my chopping demands.  So good. 

I love a good kitchen gadget.  I think days like this when I do cook and get out a good pot, use more then one burner on the stove and dust off the chopper I think I'm the fuckin shit in the kitchen.  I'm not at all cool in the kitchen but since getting really good quality knives for Christmas 2 years ago I seem to think I could get my own show on the Food Network sharpening the knives and chopping things.  I give it two episodes. 

In the past I have talked about the fake meat and I've taken a picture of the cooking of said fake meat.  It's not bad but if you have the high blood pressure watch the salt.  It can be a bit much depending on how much you eat.  I have enjoyed in as taco's but really like it with pasta.  The sauce and the veggies kind of mask the texture and you really can't tell it's soy based.

Since I'm shoving the importance of good cookware down your throat I should mention that the pan I'm cooking my fake meat in might be the best thing ever.  It's what's apparently called an everyday pan.  Basically because you use it for everything...and I do.  I've cooked everything in it.  It always comes back to great shape and cleans up super easy.  I treat it well's my Jesus of cookware.  Where I go when times get hard and bacon needs to be cooked.  Amen.

Everything is now cooked and soon the to be divided up and packaged for the freezer.  I did have a small bowl of macaroni and sauce...amazing.  I honestly think I might try something else to freeze. 

So if you take anything away from today's blog is to invest in good pots and pans and use bleach.  Seriously, if I ever meet the perfect person for me there will be a small war if it's even suggested we not use my kitchen stuff.  Seriously.

Friday, 22 February 2013

Eggs and lesbians

You would think I would blog a lot more while not working but I've struggled for topics.  Clearly if I'm writing about 3 ways.  (Still on my sexual bucket list as my Mother doesn't read my blog.)  I'm not one to care about what's going on in the news.  I don't care if the Pope is stepping down before his time.  I think the last one was dead about 10 years and he was duct taped up drooling for his public appearances.  Still doesn't really concern me.

I did have a great laugh last night.  So we all know my TV watching is questionable so of course I found the trashiest show I could find without even trying.  It was one of those teen wedding shows.  Canadian even!  Good to know we have equally stupid kids here who what to get married at 18 cause it's totally cool to have a party with all your friends and like dress up n' stuff!  I've watched this before...I will own it.  Anyway, this one was two teen lesbians.  Now...let me just say I enjoy being a lesbian but I can leave the drama that goes along with it on occasion.  I've learned be it 22 or 62 women are drama.  Worth it...but drama.  So imagine the hormone, overly possessive, nothing to do but love you filled drama created by two 18 or 19 year old lesbians.  We are talking the beginnings of drama that will play out for years to come...probably at a bar watching a lesbian singer.

Anyway, both lesbians lived in the basement of the mouthy girls grandparents who raised her.  They had been together 2 years and had to get married.  Clearly they are fast tracking the entire lesbian experience to coordinate with high school grad.  Anyway, the doe and doe took place in a gym with about 12 friends and involved a boob cake and a random almost fist fight.  A mom stepped in and reminded them that they were behaving like little kids on the playground.  (Maybe don't judge the behavior of kids when you are letting yours make a lifetime commitment that is come very expensive paperwork to get out of.)  Anyway the $112 dollars that raised went to the wedding.

The wedding itself was on a Friday during the day, so all the teens had to skip school which they were all bummed about doing since the smart ones had college paper work to hand in.  (I was so proud of those ones.)  Anyway, the 3 hours before the wedding were spend with the school skippers hanging streamers and decorating while bride one got a fresh coat of pink put on her hair and bride two was super late and bitchy cause she didn't get enough sleep.  The ceremony was the usual.  It was nice to here there perspective on marriage was "getting to start life with my best friend at my side."  I see the 18 year old all the hope in the world point on that statement.  Still, I tend to live a bit more real. 

So off the 18 year old lesbians go, back to the basement to start life together.  Get jobs, move out and think about college.  It's a hard go trying to figure out who you are in general be it at 18 or 40.  The only thing they seem to know about themselves is they are gay and love each other.  I hope that's something that holds them together longer then their first anniversary.  Thank god they can't get pregnant! 

I should say that I'm not the biggest supporter of making huge commitments like kids and marriage until you have a good sense of who you are.  I've watched too many women fall in "love" and completely loose themselves into being a couple or whatever they think they need to be to keep the other person interested.  One day they wake up feeling like a stranger in their own lives.  I hate romantic comedy's (by hate I mean I watch them alone with total shame) but I do have to say that every woman should take something away from The Runaway Bride.

Julia Roberts character gets almost to the alter with these guys she professes to love but the reporter looking into her story played by Richard Gere asks her how she likes her eggs.  During every different relationship she likes her eggs how the guy likes his eggs.  He likes camping, she likes camping.  You get the picture.  She looses herself in the guy but is smart enough to not marry them.  As women why do we do this?

Again I shouldn't comment on relationships but one thing I love about myself is I know how I like my eggs and I'm more than happy to lend you a pot or pan to make your eggs the way you like them too. 

Sunday, 17 February 2013

Big Save

Ah.  My favourite day to blog.  I was even happy to take the dog out and be woken up by the crisp morning picking up two tootsie rolls of dog poop behind him.  One of my favourite things is brushing my teeth and going out in the cold air, it feels amazing.  I actually brush my teeth before going out in cold weather just so I can enjoy that 5 minutes of cold mouth excitement.

So, yesterday I made the decision to restart my video game.  I had basically finished it and with the extras I downloaded they were not going to work unless I went back to the beginning.  It was heartbreaking but needed.  My mom asked what I was doing and I tried to explain it to her.  Lets back up.  So before Christmas I got a play station 3.  I hooked up net flicks to it and it's been amazing.  I love it.  My buddy Rex loaned me a few games and I fell in love with Red Dead Redemption.  It's a western game where you are trying to find and kill people who wronged you to get your family back.  You get to hunt, kill bad guys and help people.  My mother of course has her own take on it.  "It sounds an awful lot like that game you played in public school."  "What game Ma?  Oregon Trail?"  I was thinking that she would never remember that.  "Yeah...that was fun.  I played it a few times when you weren't around."  I remembered she liked the hunting mostly because when she was young my grandfather didn't let her shoot a gun.  "Well this game is a little more adult.  I get a horse, guns and actually blow peoples heads off if I stand close enough to them."  She was quiet for a second and said "Well...I can see why you like it so much."

I used to think video games were for kids and teen boys with no hope of a girl touching their penis until the end of college but a few years ago when Rock Band was all the rage I saw women in their 30's and 40's loving the game.  For one woman I worked with it was a family thing.  She and her husband would play with the kids and when they went to bed they would play together.  I don't have the coordination for Rock Band but I fell in love with the western game I've been playing. Its funny playing and thinking about it from a girl point of view.  I had my buddy play with me once and he laughed at my excitement when I got a new outfit to change my character into.  I am a girl after all. 

I think starting over sucked basically because as a girl I wanted to see how the story line panned out. I don't think boys care about things like that but I wanted to know if he was going to kill who he needed to and get back with his wife and son.  When that happened I was thrilled...then was thinking " what?"  It lost it's luster after that and again when the main character dies and his son takes over with no real powers or story lines.  Blows. 

So back I go again playing from the start with all the knowledge I learned the first time,  Don't you wish life was that way?  You could go back to the last big save of the game and start over with a clean-ish slate and all the mistakes made and lessons learned.  Who wouldn't?  I don't know exactly where I would have made a big save.  I think maybe after college?  I think I would have (back then) continued on to University for Library stuff (it was way cheaper back then), gotten my BA and hopes for a career.  I think I would have made a library career awesome in my own way back then.  Either way I would have stayed in school. 

On the redo I would have maybe missed out on buying this house but I do think I would have managed to find a great job and maybe an equally cool house.  I guess I would have lost a lot in the redo too.  Relationships both great and bad, friendships both good and bad and maybe pets.  (They were all good.)  I do think the biggest redo I would have done would have been my college and university education.  Its not that I'm too old's that I'm in a different place now.  I'm at that comfortable with my life place and I get that I could do a total shake up and go back to school, but I am not in a place to loose what I have.  Or risk it. 

So, with everything I learned over the years would I be more successful or happy if I when back to a big save in the game of life?  I'm sure there would be parts of me that would be much happier and a little more settled but what fun is that?  I would have missed out on a lot of fun and experiences that have made me laugh, hate, grow, run, stay, fall in love, out of love, almost get arrested and of course find happiness in things big and small. 

I really hope I still enjoy the game starting almost over with some downloaded updates.  If not then on to the next game.  Maybe not another western.

Friday, 15 February 2013

Valentine 3 way?

So I hope everyone enjoyed Valentines Day in whatever form it took.  I do have to say I envy the forced organised romance of it all but I would rather be selfish and have nice shit done all year long.  I'm up for candy (which I scored) and I nice card but really...if you need one day to feel  that you can show your feelings then maybe you need to take a look at what's important.  I would rather celebrate the day before Valentines, Galentines Day.  Created by the great Amy Poehler for the show Parks and Recreation her anal retentive and highly organised character celebrates her lady friends.  Not in a feminist granola cruncher lesbian way, but just in a way that builds up the self esteem of ladies.  A friend and I talked about being in new relationships and still maintaining friendships.  Until a good bit of time and trust builds, I need to know the Gals who are there for me no matter what are still a huge part of my life.  People come and go...good friends stay for a long time and eat everything in your fridge. 

So I guess I should do some big profound blog about love and all that.  If I knew what I was talking about I guess I would be in a stable relationship raising pets with someone and fighting over paint colors and furniture placement for years.  I do know that love is a great thing and the love I'm looking for is the empowering love I feel from my friends.  Encouragement to follow dreams and be the best I can be.  When I find it I will let you know.

Anyway, so the night before Valentines I went to bed very late which led me to an odd dream.  I was in a 3 way relationship, possibly 4 way.  Anyway, it was a very handsome Dude, (I know) myself and one or two other women.  In the dream I felt comfortable with the dude but didn't touch it or anything weird like that.  I did however get to spend some lady time with one of the other ladies.  It felt almost weirdly ok.  It got me thinking about back in the day when guy friends of mine had a 3 way relationship that lasted almost 3 years.  (In gay that's like 15.)  Mike and Jason had been together about 2 years when they "got" Garret.  I say "got" Garret because for the first 3 months the new young guy was always kind of around but shy and in the back of things.  Like a purse.  He was also sickly so when we would all hang out at friends he would lay down in the bedroom, beside the a purse.  I think about 2.5 months in my friend Big Tall Gay Gary actually explained to me that they were "with" Garret too.  This was a little more then I could understand..."with like hanging out?"  Poor was like explaining investments and RRSP's to a toddler.  Eventually and I think with the aid of drawings I got it.  They were having a 3 way...but not just sex 3 way...people cared about each other.

So, it became how it was.  One would think that this would fizzle out fairly soon but it just kept going on.  We would all go out or hang out and when making plans it was a given that someone would say "Are MikeJasonandGarret coming?"  basically it was one word.  They rented the main floor of a house together and when from a queen size bed to a huge massive king size that later came to be known as "the bed" after they all broke up.  The bed was a massive sleigh bed that I bet was about 7 grand.  It was stunning.  The bedroom was redecorated around it.  All three boys slept in it when they were all home.  Mike worked nights and to me seemed to get the short end of the stick...or lack of stick depending on how you look at it, but on weekends they were all together.

For the rest of us, it was normal.  It was never a huge deal or a spectacle.  It's just how it was.  They all had feelings for each other and had their own separate bonds and I'm guessing came together over the life they had created.  They were happy for a long time too.  Then one began to feel left out and patterns started to form.  It was hard to get back and make time.  After a few years it fizzled and Mike moved on.  Jason and Garret stayed together another 7 or 8 months and began fighting over the massive bed and who should pay for it.  It was a beautiful bed. 

Anyway, all three boys have moved on and are doing amazing.  With the show Sister Wives and polyamory dating and relationships (they have a dating site for polyamory) and because my early gay years and 20's were spend watching one work for so long I'm a little more accepting of it.  Let me be clear, I don't think I could be involved in a relationship like this...but I see it's benefits. 

1.  Sex.  If we are talking all eventually isn't as important but if you are talking three chicks together in a big bed...someone will be getting some action on a semi regular basis.  Women however are jealous and all women would never work unless in a porn written by all men.  (If that were the case a magic penis would show up eventually.)  Toss a Dude into the mix and you have more's a given.  So the guy could have someone or two willing fairly often.  Take out the before and after messy intimacy that really would be hard to share with 3 and I bet it would be a good deal.  I'm guessing if it was all would be messy and all about sex.  (I should have asked more back then.)

2.  Intimacy.  As mentioned before intimacy would fuck up a 3 way in my opinion.  Someone is always going to feel left out or the bond between the other two analysed and compared.  I can't picture having 3 people in a bed and trying to form a connection needed for more then just the act of sex without an angry left out pair of eyes on you at some point.  Take it out of the bedroom and then act of taking, making dinner and general intimacy building has too be like too many hands in one pot.  (Literally.)  Too many people trying to do the same thing at the same time never works out well and leads to bad feelings.  This kind of team building doesn't really have any exercises that I can see.

3.  Companionship?  This one is going to be hard to explain but I see it as being a real bonus.  Ok, so you are in a 3 way and really it doesn't matter if there is a dick in this equation or not.  You want to see a sad movie or go shopping...I bet the other lady might like to go.  If you happen to be having sex with that person...amazing.  If not, you have something in common with someone you are going to spend a lot of time with.  No matter who we date or live with, we don't have to have everything in common with them to have a great relationship.  But if you can find part of that with someone...amazing.  This is why it worked so well for the boys back then.  Take away the dirty stuff, they loved their place and were obsessed with decorating it and entertaining in it.  They had a great way of spending time together painting and all the other home stuff that sometimes only one person likes doing.  If anyone watched Sister Wives when it showed Cody's Dad (way old) had taken a 2nd wife who was as old as his wife.  Lets be honest...the old dude couldn't get it up anymore but those old girls were the best of friends.  They had each other and in their almost matching old lady cat sweaters in their 70's that seemed like a good deal to me!

4.  Chores and Roles.  I don't mean in the bedroom either.  How amazing would it be to have someone to do the shit you aren't great at or don't want to do?  I like to do laundry and load the dishwasher.  Sometimes I like to cook.  All the other shit I have to do to manage this house can suck sometimes.  It's exhausting to manage it alone and when I'm working its 100 times harder. Think about dividing shit up 3 ways!  Amazing.  I'm not one for roles really and I will be writing more on that some day but people know where they stand if they know they are the one who's expected to take out the garbage and unload the dishwasher.  Just saying. that blog was way out there and I look like I'm pro 3 ways.  I guess I'm pro whatever way works that no one gets hurt and all the chores get done.  So in closing...would I ever try a 3 way?  Not in a relationship but if I was the extra wheel to make the tricycle have a smooth ride and no one would know about it...count me in!

Thursday, 7 February 2013


So the past two weeks have been filled with looking and applying for work.  I've had one interview but networked and am doing volunteer work to keep me busy and connected to the employment sector.  It's almost a full time job.  I was lucky enough to babysit yesterday and leave all that behind me for most of the day.  Keeping a not so sick 6 year old busy was fun and I got shown up playing playstation.  What is it with kids now?  They just come out of the box (ha) knowing how to use any video game system skipping the instructions I must go over a few times.  Kid got to level 4 of volleyball first time playing it. 

Anyway, it was nice to have a simple fun day and not think about the pressures of life right now.  It all felt extra heightened this week with the dreaded...period.  I hate my period.  The emotions, lower back pain, food cravings and my inability to be as nice as I usually am.  I feel bad for guys who make period jokes...but after dealing with myself and being trapped in the cottage with my Aunt Nancy once during her raging PMS I think they have a solid leg to stand on.  Maybe even two of them.  I know...I can just hear the little granola cruncher feminist community lesbians yelling at me about that comment but if took a minute after emptying their Diva Cups they would see how right I am.  (If you don't know what a diva cup that shit.  Worth it.  I will wait while you do it.)

Anyway, so with this weeks period I felt like Sweet Baby Jesus was testing me in the fine art of patience.  I patiently have to wait to hear about the outcome of an interview I thought went well, wait for EI to work itself out, wait for more non shit job postings to come out and waiting to get back to doing something important with my life.  Waiting can suck but honestly, waiting gives you time to either obsess or get off your ass and focus on the other things in your life that should have your attention.  So while I wait I have babysat, compulsively cleaned the house with bleach, started yet another new book, hung out with friends and reminded myself that despite everything going on in my life...I'm doing my best to take it as it comes and put a good face on it all. 

I've never been one of those amazingly strong women I envy but thanks to being true and patient with myself I'm getting there.'s lesson for me will be that even when I don't have my period it's OK to be a bitch, stick up for myself and try and be patient while others figure themselves out. 

Sunday, 3 February 2013

Back in the saddle again

So it's Sunday morning.  My favourite day to get up early, enjoy the quiet and post.  I was up at 6:30 but due to some weirdo stomach pain went back to bed until 8.  I feel like I wasted a lot of good writing and enjoying the quiet time.  Either way I'm here now...ready to try and figure myself out.

Yesterday I needed something to watch while I ate breakfast so I turned on this Vegan movie I downloaded for a friend.  Remember how I started this whole blog because I wanted to be Vegan for a month?  Yeah, it was a long time ago.  One of my last posts was me cooking meat balls from scratch for Christ sake!  To say I've lost a bit of the mission of this site is to put it lightly.  Thank god I have nailed the pants free part daily...sometimes all day.  Anyway, I watched Vegucated, basically 3 people go vegan for 6 weeks and we all get to learn about how animals are treated (not super graphic but enough to make you think) and what it does to the environment to consume animal products.

What gets me is the mass farms.  Everything is about making money.  I'm the first to admit how much I love good BBQ.  But last year, I lived with out meat BBQ and this year I might be dong the same in favor of a grill basket full of good veggies.  It's not easy not eating meat and animal products, I love eggs.  Ok for a little bit now I've eaten most of them in the form of breakfast sandwich after my break up, (we will get to that) but part of me thought "they are just chickens who are alive...makin eggs."  But then I remembered they care crammed into little cages to do so.  I'm not a fluffy bunny animal lover or anything but come on.  Killing animals with bolts to the head and shocking them to death is not the way I want to enjoy my bacon.  (Yep, that shit is fuckin true.)

I have been trying to make better choices as far as meat.  The only meat I've been buying this month was the good bacon from the market, which you need to try.  It's thick and about 1/4 the fat of regular bacon and cooks up faster and better.  So amazing.  Dammit...anyway.  Between that and the lean ground beef for the meatballs I've done well this month.  Still.  I can do better and I know it.

So as mentioned earlier I recently went though another break up.  I don't talk to much about personal personal relationships but when the cat got out of the bag it seems like the right time to get back to talking about dating and back in the saddle of being single.  It's been about a month so I've been good about it for a bit.  No break up is easy but at the end of the day it's about being happy.  A few people asked if I was out dating yet.  I'm not limiting myself and I'm open to it but honestly right now I'm enjoying my life.  With so much going on it's not fair to add more pressure to myself.  I'm happily single...I always have been so for some reason I'm fine with taking life as it comes. ready for more jokes about being single and more blogs about not eating meat.  If you can, download Vegucated.  Such a good movie.  Forks over knives is amazing too...