So I hope everyone enjoyed Valentines Day in whatever form it took. I do have to say I envy the forced organised romance of it all but I would rather be selfish and have nice shit done all year long. I'm up for candy (which I scored) and I nice card but really...if you need one day to feel that you can show your feelings then maybe you need to take a look at what's important. I would rather celebrate the day before Valentines, Galentines Day. Created by the great Amy Poehler for the show Parks and Recreation her anal retentive and highly organised character celebrates her lady friends. Not in a feminist granola cruncher lesbian way, but just in a way that builds up the self esteem of ladies. A friend and I talked about being in new relationships and still maintaining friendships. Until a good bit of time and trust builds, I need to know the Gals who are there for me no matter what are still a huge part of my life. People come and go...good friends stay for a long time and eat everything in your fridge.
So I guess I should do some big profound blog about love and all that. If I knew what I was talking about I guess I would be in a stable relationship raising pets with someone and fighting over paint colors and furniture placement for years. I do know that love is a great thing and the love I'm looking for is the empowering love I feel from my friends. Encouragement to follow dreams and be the best I can be. When I find it I will let you know.
Anyway, so the night before Valentines I went to bed very late which led me to an odd dream. I was in a 3 way relationship, possibly 4 way. Anyway, it was a very handsome Dude, (I know) myself and one or two other women. In the dream I felt comfortable with the dude but didn't touch it or anything weird like that. I did however get to spend some lady time with one of the other ladies. It felt almost weirdly ok. It got me thinking about back in the day when guy friends of mine had a 3 way relationship that lasted almost 3 years. (In gay that's like 15.) Mike and Jason had been together about 2 years when they "got" Garret. I say "got" Garret because for the first 3 months the new young guy was always kind of around but shy and in the back of things. Like a purse. He was also sickly so when we would all hang out at friends he would lay down in the bedroom, beside the coats...like a purse. I think about 2.5 months in my friend Big Tall Gay Gary actually explained to me that they were "with" Garret too. This was a little more then I could understand..."with like hanging out?" Poor Gary...it was like explaining investments and RRSP's to a toddler. Eventually and I think with the aid of drawings I got it. They were having a 3 way...but not just sex 3 way...people cared about each other.
So, it became how it was. One would think that this would fizzle out fairly soon but it just kept going on. We would all go out or hang out and when making plans it was a given that someone would say "Are MikeJasonandGarret coming?" basically it was one word. They rented the main floor of a house together and when from a queen size bed to a huge massive king size that later came to be known as "the bed" after they all broke up. The bed was a massive sleigh bed that I bet was about 7 grand. It was stunning. The bedroom was redecorated around it. All three boys slept in it when they were all home. Mike worked nights and to me seemed to get the short end of the stick...or lack of stick depending on how you look at it, but on weekends they were all together.
For the rest of us, it was normal. It was never a huge deal or a spectacle. It's just how it was. They all had feelings for each other and had their own separate bonds and I'm guessing came together over the life they had created. They were happy for a long time too. Then one began to feel left out and patterns started to form. It was hard to get back and make time. After a few years it fizzled and Mike moved on. Jason and Garret stayed together another 7 or 8 months and began fighting over the massive bed and who should pay for it. It was a beautiful bed.
Anyway, all three boys have moved on and are doing amazing. With the show Sister Wives and polyamory dating and relationships (they have a dating site for polyamory) and because my early gay years and 20's were spend watching one work for so long I'm a little more accepting of it. Let me be clear, I don't think I could be involved in a relationship like this...but I see it's benefits.
1. Sex. If we are talking all women...sex eventually isn't as important but if you are talking three chicks together in a big bed...someone will be getting some action on a semi regular basis. Women however are jealous and all women would never work unless in a porn written by all men. (If that were the case a magic penis would show up eventually.) Toss a Dude into the mix and you have more sex...it's a given. So the guy could have someone or two willing fairly often. Take out the before and after messy intimacy that really would be hard to share with 3 and I bet it would be a good deal. I'm guessing if it was all Dudes...it would be messy and all about sex. (I should have asked more back then.)
2. Intimacy. As mentioned before intimacy would fuck up a 3 way in my opinion. Someone is always going to feel left out or the bond between the other two analysed and compared. I can't picture having 3 people in a bed and trying to form a connection needed for more then just the act of sex without an angry left out pair of eyes on you at some point. Take it out of the bedroom and then act of taking, making dinner and general intimacy building has too be like too many hands in one pot. (Literally.) Too many people trying to do the same thing at the same time never works out well and leads to bad feelings. This kind of team building doesn't really have any exercises that I can see.
3. Companionship? This one is going to be hard to explain but I see it as being a real bonus. Ok, so you are in a 3 way and really it doesn't matter if there is a dick in this equation or not. You want to see a sad movie or go shopping...I bet the other lady might like to go. If you happen to be having sex with that person...amazing. If not, you have something in common with someone you are going to spend a lot of time with. No matter who we date or live with, we don't have to have everything in common with them to have a great relationship. But if you can find part of that with someone...amazing. This is why it worked so well for the boys back then. Take away the dirty stuff, they loved their place and were obsessed with decorating it and entertaining in it. They had a great way of spending time together painting and all the other home stuff that sometimes only one person likes doing. If anyone watched Sister Wives when it showed Cody's Dad (way old) had taken a 2nd wife who was as old as his wife. Lets be honest...the old dude couldn't get it up anymore but those old girls were the best of friends. They had each other and in their almost matching old lady cat sweaters in their 70's that seemed like a good deal to me!
4. Chores and Roles. I don't mean in the bedroom either. How amazing would it be to have someone to do the shit you aren't great at or don't want to do? I like to do laundry and load the dishwasher. Sometimes I like to cook. All the other shit I have to do to manage this house can suck sometimes. It's exhausting to manage it alone and when I'm working its 100 times harder. Think about dividing shit up 3 ways! Amazing. I'm not one for roles really and I will be writing more on that some day but people know where they stand if they know they are the one who's expected to take out the garbage and unload the dishwasher. Just saying.
Ok...so that blog was way out there and I look like I'm pro 3 ways. I guess I'm pro whatever way works that no one gets hurt and all the chores get done. So in closing...would I ever try a 3 way? Not in a relationship but if I was the extra wheel to make the tricycle have a smooth ride and no one would know about it...count me in!