Bag (age?)

I think ladies who carry purses would say you can tell a lot about a girl by her bag.  Well, I wonder what you can tell about a girl about her backpack?  Yes, with my boyish good looks and golf shirts you can maybe tell that I’m a lesbian.  I’ve never had any interest in having a purse and to be honest when I carry a friends who’s hands are full, it’s not the best site.  It’s…uncomfortable looking.  I will illustrate.

How many backpacks do I have?  About 4 or 5.  I also have 2 murses and a Korean bag that was an impulse buy.  It looked good when I saw it on Ebay but it’s a little…tight since it’s not really in what they call “western sizes” for those of us with more then ample curves and such.  What’s my deal with backpacks?  I don’t know.  It’s not like I have a ton of stuff in them every day.  I could really force it all in a murse but I have never been a fan of something on just one shoulder.  It’s not good for the back and it’s always bothered my shoulder.  I have very rounded shoulders, so shit just slides off them.  Like shirts and sometimes feelings. 

I was thinking if there is some huggy touchie feely reason why I love a backpack so much.  I decided to get all Oprah, while on the bus mind you, and thought maybe I carry a backpack because I carry so much stuff with me.  Thoughts, feelings and a little of the past.  Then again it could be my back issues.  Not sure.

I remember when I started college.  I wanted a big backpack.  Thinking going to library school I would need a lot of space.  So, I ran down to that surplus place at Gibraltar and got myself this huge backpack.  This thing could hold a small man wearing a regular backpack filled with books.  Once I started school I realized I had gotten myself a camping in the Nordic carry enough stuff for a week in the woods bag.  The thing was huge compared to everyone else’s stylish backpacks.  With my short T-Rex arms I had to dig at the bottom of the bag for what I needed every class burring my entire arm, shoulder and have my head to get anything.  It was that deep.  In my defence it did have a small top part that I could put my pens and wallet in.  So that was handy.

Since those years I have evolved so to speak.  There was a gym bag and then the tacky Tracker bags before I found the Swiss bags I seem to have loyalty to.  I love the metal zippers, the clean lines and the basic colors and patterns.  No flashy shit.  No crazy colors or silly sayings.  (I made the mistake of getting a cool lunch bag without flipping it to the other side.  It says Foxy Jeans on it.)  Anyway, so I tend to avoid Bentley…just in case there is a sale on bags that involves the Swiss.  I am more then due for a new bag.  My last bag is over a year old and even if it looks new…I know the truth.  A new one is needed. 

I did see one when I was with my friend…lets call her Annie to protect her innocents in my bag obsession.  We were at Costco and it was by the door.  Black, zippers and so many slots.  So many.  Slot for lap top, papers, pens, ipods, phones.  It was ready for me to organize things I don’t even normally carry around.  If this bag could have been any better it would have a special little pocket for my diabetes blood tester.  (That will be the next idea with people as unhealthy as they are. 

I have big dreams of going back to the gym and being one of those super awesome work out people before work.  It won’t be happening soon but with all the stuff I carry around I would almost need to design my own bag.  Big pocket for my wet towel and swim stuff, another pocket for my lady things and getting ready for work stuff.  Spot for my little note book where I write jokes, my pens and special mechanical pencils.  The surplus of pads and tampons I carry all month long, cause you never know.  Now that I think of my lady self, I should have a smaller lady bag for lady things like tooth brush, toothpaste, spare pills, tiny scissors or tweezers for stray nose hair, a razor if things are out of control, travel lotions and shampoos.  Fuck, I should just stay home! Then we get into if I’m reading anything good and carrying a book with me.  Maybe a spare shirt or extra underwear.  I am a lady after all!

Sunday

The weather changing has made the nights chilly so I went up to the storage room and got down the good duvet.  For the last two night I've managed to spend my night under what I like to call the fluffy pillows of wonderful warmth. It's almost like being held by a warm lady friend on a cold night...from what I can recall. 

I've managed to enjoy some hot tea and think about life stuff.  It's one of those Sunday's when in the past I would have had the oven going all day with a chicken or a roast.  Today I'm thinking about putting a potatoe or some squash in the oven.  It doesn't feel the same as busting out a chicken or something a little...meaty.  I do feel great not eating any meat or dairy but there is that comfort food factor I can't seem to fully get over just yet.  I am not at the point where I am busting out these amazing vegan or vegitarian comfort food meals that fill the house with these amazing smells.  I need to get to that point fairly soon. Considering I am on this whole putting my health first deal cooking a huge wonderful smelling hunk of meat is not going to be happening.  I do love a good roast meal.  I wish I could make roasted potatoes like my Nana.  She used to get them all dark and wonderful on the outside.  I miss my Nana.

I napped today and woke up thinking of everything I want to do this fall to the main floor of the house.  I've had this insane urge to change my living room around for about two weeks now.  The sofa has been mostly in the same spot since I moved here but there is part of me that wants to say fuck it.  Just because it's "suppose" to go on that wall doesn't mean it has to.  Kind of like eating meat.  Just because I've always done it doesn't mean I still have to.  If I can only find a way to move my TV without 200 cables everywhere. 

Nice girls finish when??

So, I have a theory.  I've had this theory for a good while now and it took a friend to remind me about it.  Here goes.

I don't believe that two nice people can be together.  Let me explain nice people or people who are all "That's not true!"  It fuckin is true and I'm going to explain why.  In life you have bitches and the "nice guy" types.  Now I do think the saying "nice guys finish last" is very true.  Why?  Because when you are a nice guy or girl you put peoples needs in front of your own.  You tend to be maybe a little too respectful showing the less than passionate person that is really in there.  So, the asshole who is clear and is able to be assertive when he wants something comes off as passionate and deep with the girl.  Example of asshole "Hi, you are gorgeous.  Can't help but notice that smile."  (I'm a nice girl so I'm not saying tits.)  Nice guy, "Hi, beautiful day isn't it.  Are you in line for coffee?"  Now, people like to hear about themselves, so nice guy is trying to make conversation while asshole is right up there front in center making sure the girl knows she's been noticed.  Girl is thinking "Wow, this guy is confident and strong."  Nice guy comes off as a guy just talking.  Now, for all we know nice guy is very passionate and confident.  Or whatever this girl is looking for.  He's just not going to bust it out the first 20 seconds.  Why be attracted to someone so nice?

Ok, if you think I'm talking out of my ass then that is fine.  I however have some other examples of couples that work because someone has to be the bitch.  (And I don't just mean women are the bitch.  Anyone can be a bitch.)  So think about this, you can't have two nice people in a couple.  Why?  Everyone would be asking them for help.  Little tip about nice people.  We never say no.  So, you have two nice people together not saying no then you have basically two people out there helping people to the point of exhaustion.  Think about it.  If one spouse is the bitch they can say "you are not doing that, you worked all week and you can't spend the rest of the weekend helping them move again.  Sorry, tell them no."  Amazing.  The bitch lets you have free time and it's not your fault!  You don't have to feel bad.  Bitches usually have much bigger shoulders and don't mind saying no.  Nice people...who fear it and then if we do say it, we have anxiety about it for days.

I have been told a few times that I'm a nice person.  So I was thinking about the women I have chosen to keep company with.  I don't want to name names but I have dated three nice women.  One is dead, one just got married to someone else (I'm so fine with this) and the other moved away before we could grow bored of each other.  The others were good people, but they were bitches.  I'm not saying at all being a bitch is a bad thing.  Life is all about balance.  I'm just trying to prove my point.

Everyone wants to think they are a nice person and that's fair.  But, I would much rather be the bitch.  If I was a bitch I would be fine with telling it like it is, showing my passions outwardly and not being so worried what people think of me.  I admire bitches.  I think secretly I've always been attracted to what I'm not, a strong woman who speaks her mind.  I asked for someone nice a while ago.  I don't know if I'm open yet to receive what I've asked for.  I just hope I don't miss it and finish last again. 

Stress Meat

So I fell off the meat wagon.  It's been a rough month and now that Summer Jobs is done at work I took some extra time off to relax before the long weekend. Why wouldn't I get in a fight with my father?  I was already on edge from my Uncle Jimmy dying then my father and his "issues"  Had to press my buttons.  I do have to say that thanks to my little assertiveness deal I stuck up for myself.  I get that we are all supose to respect our parents but I'm old and I'm not going to be picked on in my own house. 

Needless to say after that I was upset and after buying a new house (it's a long story) I made my way to Wendy's and had both beef and bacon.  I'm not proud of my tasty mistake.  But it seems when I get upset I turn to meat now.  Today, I feel not the best and last night I was congested.

I guess we all have things that send us over the edge.  I'm working hard at not emotionally eating.  I really don't have a choice anymore since I have the beats.  Still.  I've been trying to keep my cool and enjoy this weekend non the less.  I was up at 7 doing laundry to hang out on the line and am now sitting in a pair of very ugly men's boxers drinking a tea.  I really don't know when I became this person, who is so happy and content with my life.  Weird as it is at times.  I am very happy.

I might right later.  Right now I need to enjoy wearing nothing but boxers and thinking about going outside to work on my yard.