New Year

I feel like I need to make the first blog of the year a good one.  I’ve done three different topics so far and I’m not really feeling good about any of them.  I’m a little scattered right now.  Maybe because I had some therapy yesterday.  How’s Gen X of me to blog about my therapy session.  Anyway, the one thing that I realized, well was realized for me, is that right now I feel like I have no control over a lot going on in my life.  With no job I’ve kind of lost my focus.  

I didn’t like a lot of what I was made to think about yesterday.  I tend to shut down after therapy so I can think about what was said.  I’ve opted to take my time thinking about it and haven’t really let it all in even today.  This weekend is busy and now that I’m in the quiet of the house with the pets snoring and my husband pants on I might try to get in a clear head space and think.  A friend gave me the head space talk not long ago, it was nice to put a name to spending time not talking to anyone so you can think.  Talking about issues and feelings can open up a lot of doors and make you see things you have been either looking away from or even running from. 

I’m sure everyone was expecting a list of my resolutions.  Most never change like lose weight, be a better person, try new things and maybe not eat meat again.  I think I’ve broken all of these a few times this year.  It was a bit of a mess of fun, heartbreak and joy.  Every year should have all three of those things.  Yes, even with heartbreak.  Without a few tears we wouldn’t appreciate who we are and what truly does make us happy and full. 

So rather then what I want out of this year I’m going to do a best and worst of 2012. 

The Best

How could it be anything but my addition to the house?  Adopting Norman Earl has been such a wonderful addition to my life.  I didn’t realize how much I missed Maggie and the love a dog in the house provides.  I was so worried about how Fred would react to sharing me but now that we have been a little family for 2 months I still am in awe with how great they get along.  Fred is almost twice the size of Norm and despite Norm sticking his nose up his ass, licking him, chasing him and sleeping with his head up his ass Fred has never raised a paw to him.  It’s like it’s beneath him to hurt the stupid little dog.  Amazing. 

The Worst

This one is a bit of a close call.  I would have to say actually being diagnosed with diabetes is worse than losing my job.  But they have a lot in common.

1. I knew I was going to be losing my job.  There was always hope that something would turn around and I would just slide into another position.  That didn’t happen to the shock of co-workers and a little by myself.  There is hope for the future with going back.  Oddly kind of the same thing happened with diabetes.  I’ve been warned for years about getting it and when it happened...well I was still shocked.  
2. When I was given the news about the diabetes I put on a funny face and embraced it.  My awesome friend made sure I knew what I was doing with blood testing and I put on a good diet and walked a little more to lose some weight.  Then, it hit me that this was going to be my life.  Checking blood, watching sugars, checking my feet and now getting this weird film on my hair.  After the news wore into me, there have been tears and some weight gain.  With losing my job I joked about it a lot.  On my last day when people were upset I was leaving and I had people from other floors coming down to say goodbye I managed to hold it together.  Then my wonderful work Mom hugged me so tight and made me feel so loved.  We both cried and I really couldn’t hold it together.  It was a bad night.  Later she and I talked about why my leaving made her so emotional.  Turns out I was the first person to make her feel welcomed when she started. 
3. So with the Christmas holidays I didn’t really do much job searching.  It’s a shit time of year is next to impossible to try and find that next great new job.  So I’ve been on staycation doing random stuff but nothing too amazing to speak of.  I should be writing more.  Same is true with the diabetes. Who the fuck can watch their diet with pie, deserts, awesome dips and not to mention my mother’s cooking.  Bless her. 

So, basically here i am starting the New Year the way I ended it.  Unemployed and a little heavier.  Amazing.  So in the New Year I plan on doing the following.

1. Lose weight / get healthier.  How can this not be number one?  It’s much needed and one of those things l clearly need to focus on. 
2. Be a better person.  With my new found knowledge about myself I plan to take care of myself, be honest with myself and care of others the best way I can. 
3. Try new things.  I plan on being ok with making more of a fool of myself.  Yes, this could very well mean finally doing stand up.
4. NEST!  I plan on using more of my house.    This is one of those things that is always on my mind but I never know where to start.  I think during my time off I need to step it up and for sure do something with the upstairs of my house and my bedroom.  Good lord!  It’s in need of a paint job. 

Good luck to us all with making this year awesome!