Sunday, 20 January 2013

Bad Juju

Definition from Urban Dictionary (Where else would I look?)
Haunted by a bad vibe or aura. Can be used as a noun or an adjective.
“Now that place had some bad juju.”

In answer to a question about what someone thought of a person place or thing one could answer, "bad juju".

So I have decided that my bedroom has some serious bad Juju.  There are a few reasons for this clearly over dramatic realization but needless to say changes need to be made.  I wouldn’t say there is a spirit of a demon or anything in there but I think I’ve fucked with the feng shui and really just not created what I want for that room.  I know many people out there hate Oprah but the one thing I remember her saying while talking about home, (yes...I’m carrying Oprah’s words in my soul) is that “your home should rise up to meet you.”  Well my bedroom trips you and penetrates you without the benefit of any lube.  Here is a list of why in no particular order.

1.       Paint job.  I don’t fully hate the color.  It’s called Ritz Cracker.  Ok, I chose it because that’s a cool ass name for a paint color.  Anyway, I now hate the color but due to the shitty uneven walls and corners the cutting in and painting close to the ceiling looks like Stevie Wonder with Parkinson’s painted it.  That bad.  I lay in bed at night when the light is on and laugh...
2.       Stuff.  My bedroom is not a big room and with a queen size bed 80% of it is taken up with workbench.  Add in a dresser and a smaller night stand used as underwear storage...there goes another 15.  Then I have a tall bedside stand.  So, there goes my 100%. 
3.       The Bed.  I really think that when a big girls likes other big girls the owner of the big girl bed should invest in a good bed.  Something that will last the test of time...and big girls.  My bed is about 7 years old and thanks to my ars has worn out on my side while the visitor side is ok but has a bit of an incline that causing rolling over to my side.  I’ve been trying to switch sides but that has gone about as well as me switching to penis.
4.       The mood.  Right now my room is messy and there really is no mood.  My small bedside table with underwear and socks is covered with clothes.  Under the clothes is a Buddha with some candle holders.  This would be a great mood to set, if my collection of unemployed clothes were not smothering poor Buddha.  (This could be totally effecting my juju on a spiritual level.) 

So I have devised a plan.  At some point I will get back to work and I will also have some tax money coming my way so I have opted to invest in a really good bed.  Before that happens I need to get the room ready.  Here are a few plans.  Again, the order might change.

1.       Space.  Something had to give in this house and I’m sure as hell going to get back my good juju one room at a time.  So, because I’m writing to you from the laptop in the dining room its time that I think about my small den as more of a functional space.  So I will be getting rid of my hard drive (it’s shit) and my desk.  That space will then become free for my white dresser to go into.  That will free up some space in both rooms. 
2.       Paint.  I suck at picking paint colours.  I don’t know what my issue is but my bedroom was once what I thought was going to be a popular calm pear green.  It turned out to be long suffering mucus pneumonia spit up infection.  My living room and dining room were suppose to be a beautiful “cottage” blue.  This turned out to be “we are having a boy” deep baby blue.  I picked that color after a huge loss in my life.  This time I have my wits about me and have fallen in love with grey.  I don’t know fully if I will be going light as in my living room or a bit more of a slate grey but I know it will be making an appearance.  I also would really like an accent wall.  Maybe not one that is totally visible from the hall but one that I can enjoy laying in bed. 
3.       Mood.  With a little more space the bedroom will be a little more airy, so I will have to go with this and maybe give up my two pictures.  Both are of nondescript European streets and were bought during one of my phases.  I don’t know if I can work with them in my “vision” but either way I do want to have one or two things on my walls to set a new tone.  Like any good gay I do have a picture of a half naked lady.  I could work that into something.  Either way, to get the juju back I need to step it up.
4.       The Bed.  When I manage to swangle getting a new bed I plan to go back to that person from a few years ago.  Back in the day bedding mattered to me.  I paid close attention to thread counts like a fat kid watching cake.  I opened packages in stores and jammed my tiny yet thick hand in to make sure they were soft enough.  I still morn a set of sheets I had years ago.  They were so soft and thin.  I bet they lasted 8 years and this was in my 20’s during some of my most action and when I played lesbian baseball and had some semi steady relationships.  Anyway, I need a comfortable bed. When I find and can afford said bed I think the room will be fully ready.  Until then I can get it ready. 

I think you can create your own reality.  If you put some effort into a situation you can change it.  I’m determined, for myself, to change the creepy vibe in my bedroom and make it rise up to meet me. 

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