Sunday 1 July 2012

Post Wedding Bullshit Day by the Pool

So the lady friend was trying to be all romantic and arranged that we spend the day and night at her friends place.  Actually they were fine with it and asked that we actually clean out the fridge of all the wedding food and get it ready for garbage day in exchange for a day by the pool alone.
Amazing!

So, we get there at about 11.  Huge ass house in Oak Ridge on a cute street and what I thought was very private.  Huge pool, huge family TV room and a fridge full of semi good wedding food.  Shit.  I felt like some sort of country bumpkin that was plunked into the big city house of a Duke or something.  The kids rooms were simple and way too neat.  For people who left that morning for two weeks at Disney, the house was way too clean.  Beds made, floors cleaned, wedding crap cleaned up and not a spot of dust anywhere!  Shit.  I don't even get how there was not any dust on their collection of Nickelback CD's.  (I know...but they are not my friends.)

I now see why these two ladies are so in love.  They have really created the perfect home.  I did snoop a bit and on the dining room table they had put out their photo albums.  17 years of memories.  I've never seen so many photo albums in my life.  Jesus!  These chicks documented everything!  The first week together, both pregnancies, vacations, graduations and my favorite...topless camping at 23.  ;-)

So, we set up outside.  I should start with mentioning these women are soulless Gingers.  As are their kids.  So because they are evil and can't do the sun there is tons of tents and shade.  Perfect for me who burns at the reflection of the sun 50 feet away.  So I was in my glory.  I set up with my new book, the lap top to write and a big glass of ice water.  Diane was much the same...but in the sun about 10 feet away.  Go romance!

About 10 minutes after we remarked "Isn't this great" the door bell rang.  As good people Diane answered it.  It was kids asking for Jason and Sam.  She explained they were away for two weeks.  As soon as she sat back down, it rang again.  Same deal, different kids.  Fuck.  This went on and on for hours.  We tried to nap, but the bell didn't stop.  I managed to nap but Diane was pissed!  She said "I'm fucking done with kids for the summer!"  By the time I woke up she was really pissed.  Outside I sat down and the bell rang again.  "Fuck!  It's the bell again."  Diane was around the side of the house watering plants.  She took the house to the front of the house and hosed down 4 little girls wanting to come for a swim.  Yeah...so much for a quiet day.  Diane was so pissed that she put up a sign.  Jason and Sam are not home.  Go away.  Apparently kids in a nice area can't read.  After swimming for a while we decided to eat and come back to my quiet house in the hood.  Where the kids can read, no one really has pools and everyone's kids are afraid of me.


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